“I’ve rocked in this rocking chair at least a million times. It is the perfect size for a mama and one little baby. It wraps us up like a hug in the middle of the night, after your cries take me from my sleep. Some nights I groan as I get out of my warm bed and trudge to the kitchen for a bottle. But lately, I’ve been thinking about the day when I won’t be able to hold you in my arms quite so easily.
These moments are special because you’re my last. You’re my last first smile, my last first giggle. You’re my last first teeth and my last first steps. We don’t get as much time together during the day, because I’m pulled into other orbits so often. Your four older sisters need me too. They need me to help them with their math, or with their lunch, or putting a bandaid on that boo boo.
I’m busy all of the time. And I know you don’t get me to slow down as much as you deserve. You get four other little mommies when you cry during the day. You are so very loved by all of them, and they dote on you. But you don’t get the real thing quite as often as you should.
So, when you cry in the middle of the night, I head upstairs. I smile at you a little wider than my worn out face should be able to at that time of day. I hold you a little longer than I need to, because I finally have the time. I breathe you in deeply as you snuggle your head onto my chest. And I kiss the spot on your forehead a few extra thousand times before I place you into your crib for a few more hours of glorious sleep.
You’re my littlest, my baby, my last. And I know these days will end, because I’ve watched time steal them away from me with each of your sisters. The last time I pick you up, the last time I sing you a lullaby, the last time I rock you in that cozy rocker. That last time is coming. I won’t recognize it when it gets here, but I will do what I can to soak in every possible last time.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Tori Burgett. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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