‘They used to line up to watch me leave. ‘Don’t forget to beep and wave!’ they’d yell, 5 little faces pressed up against the glass.’: Mom realizes she’s now alone as it’s her children who are leaving

“They used to line up to watch me leave.

Even if I was just running to the store for 10 minutes… 5 little faces would be pressed up against the glass.

‘Don’t forget to beep and wave!’ they’d yell, knocking each other over trying to claim their spot by the window.

We eventually even had to put little pieces of tape with their names on them right on the floor in front of the door so they would get into position with less arguing.

It made for a long goodbye to line up littles fairly each time we left the house.

And if God forbid we would forget to beep and wave… so many tears. They’d cry broken hearted tears of abandonment… the drama with this group is real.

I remember circling back after I once forgot, so eager was I for 30 minutes of uninterrupted diaper buying time at Target. But I got a phone call about an inconsolable someone and drove home just to beep and wave and then be on my way.

I fear I was even annoyed by all that love…not knowing I should have bottled up every bit of it to live on now. But the touched out feeling of the little years is so real and I have all the grace for the me of those days. She needed a break for the love and couldn’t be expected to see all the beauty right in front of her all of the times.

But today, I stood at that window alone.

My girl is now the one leaving.

And it’s been years since little toes lined up where I now stand, the small fingers that clung to lovies to comfort them as I left, now most often hold cell phones and the faces that used to press right up to watch me leave now glance up politely when I say I’m going away.

Today I pressed my face into the glass, trying to see her for all the last seconds I could. This piece of my heart going back out where she belongs in the world.

I wished for a talisman of some sort to hold onto to comfort me as she pulled away.

Then the car slowed and I heard it… a beep… and then a wave.

And my heart could burst really with the full circleness of it all.

It hit me that my own mom, too, stands just like this each time we leave.

I stopped to soak in all the beauty of the moment because it’s just easier to do now that I’m not changing diapers and wiping noses.

And because the moments are fewer and therefore more precious…I don’t want to miss a single one.

That beep and wave reminded me goodbyes are rarely easy but we leave with love and even better love always comes home.

We are so lucky to have this love, aren’t we? To have our hearts break a little when they go.

But, for the record, the coming home will always be my favorite.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Hiding in the Closet with Coffee by Amy Betters-Midtvedt. The article originally appeared here. Follow Amy on Instagram here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Amy here: 

‘Once again, I would get shivers in the pew this morning. This generation is not interested in who is right. They are interested in truth.’: Mom realizes important lesson on faith at church

‘He’s the kid who never listens the first time. Or even the tenth. His heart breaks because he’s not always sure why what he’s doing is so wrong. But he needs you to hear him.’

‘5 kids? You know how this happens, don’t you? Did you have all 5 on purpose?’: Mother of 5 children says despite the struggles, ‘these kids still run to hug me when I get home’

‘This is what your knight in shining armor looks like in your 40s.’

Do you know someone who could benefit from this story? SHARE on Facebook or Twitter.