“‘Did anything work for you today..?’
Avoiding eye contact with the dressing room attendant, I half-smile handing over a large stack of garments. I give a sheepish ‘not this time’ as I leave the fitting rooms.
I wonder if she notices this was my third trip to the fitting rooms leaving behind the same large stack of clothes I had brought in each time.
I wonder if she notices how long I was in there.
I wonder if she heard me audibly laughing trying on some of the pieces I had hopefully selected.
Even the strongest crack sometimes.
And my confidence some days is as soft as my postpartum body remains.
I had left my baby at home in hopes of an hour away, alone – and suddenly found myself wishing she was there.
Maybe to remind me of my ‘why’; the important parts of life.
Maybe in some ways to show people, ‘This is the reason why I’m buying this size.’
They would smile and approvingly compliment my baby’s scrumptious full cheeks.
Maybe those same people would snicker at how I look in a bathing suit or send me a DM offering me a GREAT opportunity to get my body back before summer (only 12 more weeks, you know)!
I snap out of it…
Not sure how much time has passed since I entered the dressing room and started having this flight of ideas staring at myself in the mirror.
I pick up the three items I allow myself to purchase, check out.
‘Did you find everything you were looking for?’
Yes, thank you. I sit with these feelings in the car on my drive home.
Give myself time to process them.
To mourn what once was and look forward with gratitude to what is to come.
Our bodies are powerful vessels that have proven to be more purposeful than a spectacle.
It has given so much to so many others, grown new life, and nourished it.
It is imperative we recognize its value and worth aside from its outward appearance.
Understanding its value comforts me in this season of self-consciousness and allows me to fuel myself with nourishing food, love, and grace – not only for my family but for myself.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Mandi Tuhro. You can follow her journey on Instagram. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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