No Pregnancy Book Could Have Prepared Me For The Emotions Of Motherhood

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“I read the books.

The ones that told me ‘what to expect’ while preparing to become a mother.

But I don’t remember lines or chapters about how my heart would cease to exist solely within my own body.

How some invisible and seemingly unimaginable but very real vine connects the heart of a mother to her child.

How when that baby nuzzles against your chest asleep in perfect peace, you’ll experience the dearest kind of lullaby calm known this side of heaven.

How when your child smiles, you’ll physically smile too.

How when they’ve lost all coping skills and are melting down, you’ll also need every bit of strength and grace to hold yourself together.

How when your child is sick or hurt, you will actually ache too.

How when they laugh, you’ll match ‘em and wish you could bottle it up and listen to that sound all your days.

How when they cry from frustration or disappointment, you’ll also struggle to hold back the tears.

How when they are performing in some way, out on the sports field or maybe on a stage in an auditorium, you’ll be sweating right along with them.

How when your child beams with joy, you shine with that same ray of light.

How when their heart breaks, yours does too.

How we’re not our own anymore.

How no matter how big or how grown, our hearts will evermore FEEL the beats of their heart.

I don’t remember reading any of that.

But it wouldn’t have mattered.

Because even if it was there, in print on those pages, I wouldn’t have understood.

I couldn’t have known…

until I grew

the heart of a mother.”

mom holding her baby close and loving them
Courtesy of Emily Roussell

This story was submitted to Love What Matters  by Emily Roussell of You Are Loved. You can follow her journey and on her website. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read Emily’s previous story here:

I’m A Middle Mom—Not Fully Through The Land Of Little, And Yet No Longer Holding Babies

Read more stories about motherhood here:

Being A Mom Is The Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Done — Loving You Is By Far The Easiest

‘You lost your first tooth, and I lost a tiny piece of my heart.’: Mom shares accepting new milestones, son growing up too fast

‘You must love YOURSELF.’ At 4, she leans down so I hear her. I teach her about my difficulties, and free us from shame.’: Woman with hearing impairment describes ‘pure, deep, powerful’ motherhood

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