This Little Blue Pill Is My Lifeline

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“See this little blue pill I am holding? It’s my lifeline.

It is Paroxetine 30 mg.

AKA Paxil.

AKA a SSRI anti-depressant prescription drug.

I take this once a day, everyday.

No, this is not a cure all pill. But it is the biggest weapon I have in fighting my disease.

That’s right. My mental illness is a disease.

One that could kill me if I allowed it too.

Although my depression with anxiety is invisible to most people, I see daily how it effects my life.

If I didn’t have this little blue pill to assist me, depression would start to show externally.

I wouldn’t be able to function properly.

I wouldn’t eat. Sleep would be non existent.

Tears would never stop.

My body would constantly be tense. Almost like I am living in slow motion.

This pill isn’t scary. It didn’t change me.

No. It brought me back.

It stopped allowing depression to run my life.

For so long, I was feeling so many different, irrational things. Nothing made sense.

Actions I was doing. Thoughts I was thinking.

Personality traits that didn’t fit who I am.

This is me. Katie.

A strong, brave, bold, woman, mother, sister, daughter, friend.

I live with a disease called depression with anxiety.

I take a medication everyday to help me monitor and control my illness.

I have no shame in how I need to handle my depression.

I will take a pill everyday for the rest of my life.

I will die with this disease.

But it will not kill me.

It will not run my life.

It will not control how I live.

Never. I do that.

With the grace from God and all the power He holds. He grants me the strength to be who I am with this disease.

He makes it possible for me to have this little pill to take with my morning coffee.

Don’t be afraid. Don’t be scared that a medication is needed to handle your disease.

Mental illness is no different from diabetes, high blood pressure, or high cholesterol.

Be more afraid of what your life is without it. Of what you are missing.

Claim you again.

My name is Katie. I am 1 in 5.

I take a prescription medicine daily to handle my depression with anxiety. And I have no shame.”

Woman holding up little blue pill that is an antidepressant in selfie
Courtesy of Katie

This story was written by Katie of Lovely in the Dark. You can follow her journey on her blog. Be sure to subscribe to our best love stories in our free email newsletter.

Read more stories like this:

‘I don’t know who needs to hear this, but take your freaking pill.’: Woman battling mental illness shares sweet reminder ‘you deserve to feel sunshine’

‘Some days I still feel anxious. Irritable. Sad. Yet, I’m grounded. I haven’t lost my footing.’: Woman shares how antidepressants have boosted her mental health

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