‘I went to the bridge with every intention of ending my life but found colored notes, 40 on each side when I got there.’

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“My name is Paige Hunter. I am 18-years-old from England and suffer with PTSD depression and anxiety since I was 14.

I went through a trauma and trying to cope with the impact of the trauma completely destroyed me. I remember standing on the edge of the bridge thoughts racing through my mind over and over. I didn’t want to die I only wanted the pain that I was going through to stop. I couldn’t handle to see another flashback from my past. The not wanting to get out of bed on a morning or not wanting to go out with friends in case I had a bad turn from panic attacks to flashbacks. Every step took me closer and closer to the edge where even my thoughts began to slow down. Then, all I heard was the police and ambulances coming who helped me change my mind.

I was ashamed of my past by the age of 17-18, I felt like my life was not worth living. But I was wrong; every life is precious and you are worth so much more than you think. I now don’t let my past define my future but instead embrace what I have been through.

Wondering whether your life is worth living is absolutely terrifying and lonely. I didn’t want others to feel like there is no one to help, to talk and support them through these feelings. I wanted them to know that their life is worth so much more than this. I have seen posts around lately of people going around and putting notes on the bridges. So, I decided to do something similar that is not exactly the best place for me, Wearmouth Bridge, where I had my experience.

Woman bends down to read note attached to bridge
Courtesy Paige Hunter

I have placed 40 of these notes to show that it is actually alright to not be okay. I hope that these quotes just help that one person to not commit suicide and know that they are worthy of living.

Woman snaps up-close photo of motivational card attached to a bridge
Courtesy Paige Hunter
Note on bridge reads "you have the power to say, 'This is not how my story will end."
Courtesy Paige Hunter

It was emotional. As I was placing them, people came up to me and told me their story. I just want to say, if you see this, no matter how hard life gets you have to keep on pushing and I know it may not be great right now, but it will all be ok in the end; I promise you that.

I think the notes have helped save so many people. When they have seen that a stranger has placed notes on a bridge to help them stop and think about it, they know there are people who want to help and who care. One person said ‘the notes helped because they had given me hope and to see that someone had been in the same situation come out shining and wanting to help others it made me think that actually, yeah things will get better.’

No matter how bad things get, keep holding on, it’s hard I know, but your life is worth so much more. Get the help and support you need.  STAY STRONG!”

Woman attaches note to bridge that says "Fight with all you have tomorrow is a better day"
Courtesy Paige Hunter

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Paige Hunter, 18, of England. Submit your story here, and subscribe to our best stories in our free newsletter here.

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