‘Babes, got my period, get pads – wings. And hazelnut Magnums, not the minis. And whatever the kids want for dinner. Can’t cook – dying.’: Mom recounts how her relationship has changed

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“Husband. Wife. Roommates? If someone told me years ago that my relationship would one day change, I would have laughed and said no way.

I write this from a very raw part of my heart. The other night I lay there crying for unknown reasons (okay, maybe not unknown – the utero was having its monthly party) as I tried to go to sleep.

He was snoring his busy week away and I was wide awake thinking of all the things we used to do. How different we used to be. I was mad at him for changing. I was mad at myself for changing. It is no one’s fault. It’s just a moment in our life where I can say – it’s not all roses and handcuffs.

The long date nights have gone.

The sleep-ins are nonexistent.

The surprise weekends away, we can no longer afford them.

The new underwear – seriously who even made edible underwear? ‘Excuse me while I finish my mouthful of cotton candy, sh*t I’ve got a hole in my tooth, that hurt’ … Completely impractical.

The long hot showers, are now lukewarm and we’re tag teaming kids in between.

The late nights are now laying there silently with our backs to each other hoping the other one will get up for the crying baby.

The text messages that used to read about how much they love you and why. Now they’re more likely, ‘Babes, got my period, get pads – wings. Don’t forget the bloody wings. Hazelnut magnums, not the minis that means I have to eat three. I’d rather just eat two big ones. And whatever you and the kids want for dinner. Can’t cook – dying.’

The spray tans and shaved beaver are now for birthdays, nights out and possibly (I mean possibly) because I just simply feel bad for him.

Children are hard work. They do put a damper on things. Some people may be able to keep their sh*t together but some people, like us, we find it hard to balance.

The children have become the number one priority and at some point, we need to learn to put our relationship towards the top of that priority list. I think in time it will become that way again. You have to make it past these difficult times to get there. It’s not that its even difficult, it’s just different. And sometimes different is really hard.

Things have changed. Have they changed for the worse?

No. I don’t think so. I think this moment in our lives is where we need to be right now. I am still very very much in love with my husband. It’s just a different kind of relationship now.

It’s commitment.

It’s contentment.

It’s frustrating.

It’s repetitive.

It’s another chapter in our life.

I know not all people go through this. But I have. I think it’s normal and I also think I can’t be alone in this. Surely there are other people out there who feel the same?

Is the romance dead?

No. It’s very much alive but it also has another 3 humans involved. It’s not as easy anymore. Do I think he deserves more? Of course, I do. He deserves the world when at this moment, all I can give him is a hairy, cranky wife.

If someone asked me today, ‘Did your relationship change over time?’ I would answer – Yes. Nothing is going to be easy forever. Nothing is going to stay the same. And that’s okay. Life is all about the change. It’s about becoming together and staying together during the good, the ugly and the children.

Once you stop comparing yourselves to your old selves, it becomes easier. Once you talk to each other about it, you understand you’re both feeling the same way. Of course, it’s worrying and of course it’s scary. No one likes to change, and no one expects change. But just like everything else in life – relationships change.

So, here’s to grey pubes (not yet) and sexless nights. No round two’s and nothing tight.

I wouldn’t want to be old and saggy with anyone else!”

Woman who says her relationship with husband has changed after kids stands smiling beside table holding baby beside husband and three other kids
Courtesy Mel Watts

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Mel Watts – The Modern Mumma where it originally appeared. Follow her on Instagram here.

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