“Labor pains, breastfeeding, postpartum hormones. She looks at herself in the mirror, wondering if her body will ever look the same again. I thought I knew what motherhood entailed. Like most new dads, I only experienced it as an outsider. I saw my mother, sister, and friends do it. I got the gist of it. Or at least I thought I did. But what I didn’t know was how little I really knew.”
“I kissed, hugged and squeezed him, laughing and crying, in shock. The crazy thing about it is that even though our marriage was always hard – he was abusive and constantly tormented by his own mind – I loved him. I still do.”
“My two-year-old was asking for bubble gum and chocolate bars. Without missing a beat, the man behind me in line handed the cashier his card. ‘I’ve got it.’ He said. My friend at the cash register was near tears by the end of her shift. I won’t ever forget that day and I doubt she has either.”
“Our Christmas is different than yours. We get no excited screams when they see what Santa brought. It’s struggling with gift ideas. What do you get a non-mobile, non-verbal child? It’s walking past all the cool toys at the front of every store, wishing our child could play with them. Our Christmas is different, but it’s still so magical.”
“Basically, my car was too dirty to go to a car wash. I chose the vacuums as far away from other people as humanly possible, sure no one would notice the avalanche of crap about to fall out of my passenger side door. I was so very wrong. Up pulled a man in a light blue, flawless car.”
“My husband and I decided to stop fooling around. I loaded up 10 kids, rented a house in another state, and we hit the road. I waited for the final lab reports. I was making sandwiches. I’ll never forget which step I was on, because that’s how they stayed. Pregnant with our 11th baby, the surgeon’s number popped up on my phone. He asked me to walk away from the children. My heart screamed, ‘NOT MY BABY.’”
“I posted our most recent family photos, and the comments poured in about how ‘perfect’ my family was. I knew things needed to change. I didn’t want people to just like my photos, I wanted them to like me, all of me—even the painful, grieving parts. I am a child who was abused by her father at 3 years old. A teenager who was the victim of statutory rape. I found my husband unresponsive on the floor with a failing heart.”
“I grabbed a nurse’s arm as she walked by. ‘What’s wrong, is she okay?’ Stumbling over her words, she responded with, ‘Congratulations, she’s beautiful!’ Coward. She handed her to me before quickly walking out of the room, like she was some kind of damaged goods. Her tongue could barely fit in her mouth. I didn’t want to hold her, feed her, or even look at her. I was furious. All I could hear was that damn whispering.”
“I met and started dating my husband at 16. I was infatuated with this boy I met at the mall, with Justin Bieber hair. ‘You’re 16. It won’t last forever.’ ‘Be prepared to do this on your own. Babies are hard on couples, especially so young.’ ‘We’re very happy for you, but do you think this is a good idea? To get married? You’re too young.’ Whether you’re 15, or 50, when you meet the love of your life, you will know right away. I’m so glad I didn’t listen.”
“I just found this picture behind another photo in a frame and I’ve unearthed a memory. I see young me, about 3 weeks into my mom journey. I couldn’t possibly have known. And I’m glad I didn’t.”
