“In 6 weeks that I’ve been home, I haven’t slept more than 4 hours at a time. My days revolve around changing diapers, nursing and pumping, and trying to figure out why my baby is crying. And while my motherly instincts are loud and clear, we are nowhere near a daily routine yet. I couldn’t imagine going back to work right now.”
“We were playing cops and robbers and didn’t know the gun was real. It was my mother’s gun. I hear a man’s voice asking, ‘Where the money?’ as I was hiding under the covers. I remember running down the road to the police station in our pajamas. I was 5 years old. ‘I know it’s going to get better, please protect my mommy.’ I never thought it would end. But yet, I held onto a small piece of faith.”
“I wondered where my mom wound up. I was hurt, I felt anger but I don’t know if I was ever actually angry at God directly. I was angry at my situation. I wondered why I had lost my mom and my dad by 14.”
“One of the nurses came in the room and said to me, ‘If you guys were my kids, I would tell you to go straight to the children’s hospital. Something is wrong with your baby.”
“The doctor spoke the words ‘unsurvivable injury’ over and over and over again. I was in denial and almost laughed at the report. ‘Do you want to donate the organs? You’re ruining the chances by keeping him alive.’ How could this doctor be so concerned with saving one life, but so inclined to let another go? After 10 minutes, a police officer walked over with a Ziploc baggie of Christiano’s belongings.”
“The day of the c-section I told my husband, ‘He will be with us, just keep an eye open for signs.’ After tear-filled moments in pre-op, we stopped in the hall. I laid there praying, staring up at the ceiling tiles. Just above me was a small sticker on an air conditioning vent. That’s when I saw it. In that moment, I smiled, so relieved. I knew he was here, watching over us.”
“‘I’m dating to find a wife, so if you realize you can’t marry me, let me know. Also, whomever I marry has to be open to adoption.’ That’s how my husband opened our first date. What he didn’t know, was I was an adult adoptee.”
“Once the wine hit my throat, it never stopped. My desire to hold on to that feeling of lightness would lead me to pour another glass, then another. More nights than not, I emptied the bottle and stuffed it deep in the recycling so no one would see it. I got tired of pretending, of hiding, of going to bed stupid drunk. To quit drinking sounded scary. But even scarier? Losing everything if I didn’t.”
“I got home and checked an Instagram group chat I was involved in and saw everyone thought I was actually dead for 4 days. It made me sad because at the time I didn’t think anyone cared and I felt everyone would be better off without me.”
“We were introduced through a friend who believed we’d be ‘perfect’ for each other. She invited me to a birthday party he was set to attend. I didn’t plan to stay long, but changed my mind once I met HIM. We talked, laughed and danced for hours. I asked my friend for his number. She obliged. Years later, I wonder if that friend realized it was that moment that changed everything.”
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