“When the people you used to be close with stop checking in. When it all starts to feel too heavy for you to carry. When you feel like you don’t belong. Take a step back and look at your life. You’re exactly where you need to be. No one could do it better or love them harder than you.”
“I often wonder what that day in February was like, the last day you saw me. Did you leave in the dead of night so you wouldn’t be caught? Did you wait until a stranger found me, or did you rush to leave, eager to forget? Because of you, I begged my parents to quit Chinese dance. Because of you, I laughed at Chinese jokes to show I wasn’t one of THEM. I was an outcast in the only world I knew and exiled from the world where I belonged.”
“Less than 30 minutes later, I got a second call about my other son, Ivan. When he got to the hospital, he had a big handprint on the side of his face and a 118-degree fever. He was fighting so hard, but we both knew it was time to let go. I was a single mom of 4 and I needed a babysitter. I trusted him with my kids.”
“Her voice was full of pity. ‘One in nine.’ The electricity of paralyzing grief that overcame my body on that day is something I still have difficulty putting into words. But as I cradled her tiny body close for the first time, I felt a wave of peace.”
“I was constantly having hot flashes. I ended up throwing up blood and fainted at work. ’Go to Urgent Care.’ They weren’t really sure what was causing my problems. I was constantly waiting in the doctor’s office to get bad news.”
“I used to think I would allow myself to get pregnant once I had lost all this weight. I blackmailed myself against the one thing I truly wanted in life. All my life, I’ve written off happiness because I wasn’t the ‘correct’ size.”
“I was preparing myself to hear the words, ‘I’m sorry but there’s no heartbeat.’ Rather, I was met with, ‘There’s your baby.’ There was so much joy in the room. Everything changed in a matter of minutes.”
“I did my best to breastfeed, and I gave them formula. I did my best to socialize them and teach them, and I let them watch TV and play on their iPads. By my third, I stopped caring.”
“I called our agency and said, ‘YES! Tell us all you can.’ We were told she might not ever walk. The lower portion of her body had not properly formed in the womb. She was missing her sacrum and bottom 3 vertebrae. Her little intestines were blocked. ‘Can you be in India in four days?’ Something in us knew this precious girl was ours.”
“We were pregnant with twins! The nurse said, ‘Slowly, his organs will stop working.’ His heart was last. He was so swollen, he couldn’t open his beautiful eyes. ‘I’m so proud of you, Eli. You’ve been such a fighter. You can let go.’ I looked around at all the nurses crying. ‘Oh God, it hurts so bad!’ His tiny foot jerked. I couldn’t see through my tears.”
