“At 9:00 a.m. my sister called with the news. I was at work, in the midst of a project. We hung up and I don’t even remember breathing. ‘I have to leave for a week,’ I told my supervisor. As my sister was driving, the sun was warm in her van. I discovered my chest wasn’t feeling heavy anymore. Inner warmth just filled me. So much was going to change.”
“I was a junior in college who’d just lost my scholarship. I needed money to pay my tuition, so I took the job. I was a small town girl, self-absorbed in my own world. Maybe I was too young, or too naive. I thought it was a ‘black or hispanic problem’ in the urban city. Over the course of a few months, my life came to an abrupt halt. This was anything but a modeling agency.”
“Christmas feels different this year. I’m having a really hard time getting into the holiday spirit. Hours after getting my pelvic ultrasound done, my phone rang.You never want to hear words like complex, stat, and concern from your doctor. I decided to not tell a soul. I thought I was being brave. I thought I was saving others from getting all worked up. I thought I was being selfless. Ryan and I have been talking about when to tell our kids, or if we even should.”
“On Christmas morning, she found her hidden puppy. She loved it like she said she would. For 48 hours. My husband was not a dumb man. He knew he needed to return the $300 robo-pup after she lost interest so quickly, but was still concerned her heart would break if she noticed the canine was gone. So, he did the only thing a sane man could think of. He tore a hole in the side of the box and told her he ran away. He would do anything our sweet daughter wanted him to do. Until he couldn’t any longer.”
“It was an ‘all hands-on deck’ type of tragedy. My kids were so young. His parents flew us to Florida. My only job was to get on the plane with the kids. There was absolutely no obligation to love on the ‘ex-wife.’ They could have easily blamed me for their son’s downward spiral into suicide. They could have chosen to hate, curse, and isolate me from their family. But they didn’t.”
“I really like going out and hanging out with people, but it takes me days to recover from it. I need to lay on the couch to recoup from the mental toll it takes. People exhaust me. When my husband drinks, he becomes an energizer bunny. Me? The more I drink, the more tired I become. Once I hit that wall, there is no turning back. I am done-done-done. I can only be social for a set amount of time. If that time is up, I have an escape plan.”
“The news broke me and honestly ruined my pregnancy. I prayed our baby girl would grow, that her little chest would expand to survive this birth. I wanted Paisley to have a life, no matter if it was only for a few seconds or a few years. She deserved the world and I was determined to give it to her.”
“I’ve been frustrated, tired, and worn out. I have felt walked on, unseen, and undervalued in my place of work, and just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, it did.”
“She left the hospital at one point to run to Walmart. A nurse had just complimented a pair of sandals she was wearing. It was important that my grandma proceed to Walmart immediately to buy her an identical pair. Then she asked about someone who had recently been admitted in the palliative care floor. ‘That’s just terrible. I hope they’re going to be okay,’ she said. This was 72 hours before she passed away.”
“I don’t choose to struggle with this. I don’t choose to have my thoughts racing all day. I don’t choose to have a war with my mind every day. I don’t choose any of this. For the friends who have stuck around while I cancel plans, go radio silent, and patiently wait until I’m ready to talk, you’re the real ones.”
