“My anxiety and depression can make me a sh*tty friend, but I’m not sorry.
For as long as I can remember, I have always felt the need to apologize for my mental health struggles. I felt the need to over explain everything. I always felt the need to apologize for canceling plans.
My mental health struggles come and go. I have good days, and bad days. When I have bad days, or weeks even, I disappear.
I don’t answer many texts, I don’t make plans, and if I do, I cancel them. It makes me not a very dependable friend, sometimes. But I’m not sorry, anymore.
Sometimes I need to take a break from everyone.
Sometimes I need to take a step back and be alone, while I figure out what’s going on in my head.
Sometimes I feel ready to see you again, but I’m really not. I’m not ready to talk about the struggles I’m facing yet.
I have always felt the need to apologize, and I’m done.
I don’t choose to struggle with this.
I don’t choose to have my thoughts racing all day.
I don’t choose to have a war with my mind everyday.
I don’t choose any of this.
I’m done apologizing for something I don’t have control over.
So, yes, sometimes, my mental health will make me a sh*tty friend. But that’s only because it is needed for my own sake.
So I won’t apologize for that anymore.
I won’t apologize for doing what is best for me.
And for the friends who have stuck around while I cancel plans, go radio silent, and patiently wait until I’m ready to talk, you’re the real ones. And I’m lucky to have you.
But, I’m not sorry for doing what I need to do to make my mental health a little bit better.
I’m not apologizing anymore.”
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This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Caitlin Fladager, and originally appeared here. You can follow her journey on Facebook and Instagram. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.
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