“My parents frantically came down the stairs. The entire left side of my mom’s body was numb. My dad was taking her to the hospital. Contrary to my wishful thinking, my mom was not going to be the ‘miracle.’ There I was. 19 years old, trying to figure out how I would go on in a world without my mom in it.”
“‘Babe, babe,’ my wife whispered. She was holding a pregnancy test. ‘Is this a prank?,’ I thought. She placed her palm across her mouth. She nodded as my jaw dropped. ‘Yes, I’m really—,’ Before she could finish her sentence, I picked her up, spun her in circles while showering her with kisses. ‘Oh my Gosh,’ I repeated, at least 10 times.”
“While I was away, there were so many offers to cook for him, help him out, watch the kids so he can get a rest. Like the load was huge so there was support. For HIM. It’s crazy, because all of that – I needed. I needed that support.”
“I get a call from the geneticist. The call drops 3 separate times. The most important call of our life and I miss it. I sit and wait. My phone rings again. He says, ‘Genetics just confirmed Evie has Rett Syndrome.’ He says, ‘There’s no cure. We can’t change it. You can’t do anything.’ My heart sank. This was serious.”
“When we lost our first baby, it felt more like a fluke. When we lost our second baby, it no longer felt normal; it felt like my fault. I was afraid of what it would do to my relationship. Would he blame me? Was I letting him down? Did he CARE? Those questions became my insecurities.”
“When I met Brian, I was a healing domestic abuser survivor with 3 little babies from my abuser. Brian and I worked together, and I flirted, but got nothing from him. I thought maybe he had a girlfriend and thought I was a crazy person. I built up the courage to ask him on a date. As he walked to the table, I knew I had to tell him everything I’d been through.”
“I gently hugged my daughter. To be honest, it’s a question I’ve thought about daily for months. That’s the fear that comes with pregnancy after loss. I looked at her and smiled through tears. ‘She’s very healthy,’ I told my brave little girl. ‘That’s because Parker and Abby sent her to us,’ I said.”
“He took me out. We drank too much. I woke up the next morning in shock. I didn’t remember consenting to anything. We found out I was pregnant and I was terrified. Everything inside me was saying to detach from my son’s father. Instead, we did ‘the right thing’ and got married.”
“I’ll never forget his words. There were no warning signs. No grooming. I remember wanting to scream, but not feeling like I could talk, so I made a mumbling noise. I didn’t want my body. I wanted to take it off like a jacket, but I couldn’t. I woke up the next morning with a huge bump on my head, my underwear backwards. I never wanted to be the girl who was raped.”
“He waited for his dad and I to be able to hold him before he went. I held him as the nurses took the ventilator, with his daddy by his side. I was Saxon’s favorite place to be. I was his safe space. I believe with all my heart, he waited for me.”
