“Growing up, I felt this innate need to be liked. And when people didn’t like me? Guys, it would haunt me. I’d tweak parts of my personality to become what I thought would be more appealing to that person and because it was totally inauthentic, it never worked.
Real talk: I was never part of the popular crowd. I had my group of friends, but I was never a part of that elusive inner circle I so desperately wanted to fit in with. In fact, some of that group would bully me at times. I could never figure out why and I spent an unhealthy amount of time thinking about it.
Was it because my family wasn’t rich? That I wore the wrong clothes? That my makeup looked like a 5-year-old applied it but let’s be real, it totally did? That I had bad skin? That I wasn’t athletic, which seemed to make or break you in my school?
It was because they were never my people. They just weren’t my tribe, y’all. They weren’t meant for me and I was not meant for them.
To this day, I try so hard to befriend everyone I meet but I just don’t always mesh with everyone. And also, to this day, I still stress out when the cool, beautiful, well-accomplished chicks aren’t just banging down my door to hang out.
I can be awkward. I have a permanent, and totally accidental, case of RBF. I stumble over my words at times. I don’t wear designer clothes. I don’t have the patience to do my hair most days. I don’t have the big, fancy house. And lawd knows I still can’t do my makeup.
So, if that’s what someone bases their friendships on? Thank God I don’t make the cut.
I can also be a lot to handle. I’m anxious. I talk too fast and walk even faster. I can be over-the-top social at times and I can also be a closed off hermit at others. I’m overly sensitive so I over analyze. I worry. I get nervous. I struggle making eye contact during one-on-one conversations and guys, I went to school for public speaking! I can be too critical of myself. I try too hard and I relax too little.
But I’m also a good person. A genuine person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I cry when the dog dies in movies. I love my son with everything that I have. I’m thoughtful. I’m meticulous. I’m smart. I strive to be a good friend and my main goal in life is always to uplift others.
I want to bring sunshine to people that are stuck in the rain.
I don’t always succeed at it. But my people are the ones that love me just for trying. My people are the ones that accept the bad as much as they appreciate the good. My people are the ones that encourage my awkwardness instead of shunning me for it. My people are the ones that know when I’m in my head too much, when I need to come out of my shell or when I need to be reeled back into it.
I will never be that flawless blogger with the perfectly curated Instagram feed.
I will never be the PTA mom that bakes all the cookies and hand makes the crafts.
I will never cook flawless, Pinterest-worthy dinners on a table straight out of Better Homes and Gardens.
I will never have all the answers.
But I will always stay true to my heart. I will always allow God to continue to grow, shape, mold and better me. I will always love with my own brand of fierceness and try to leave a little of that love behind wherever I go.
If you don’t like me, that’s okay. It may hurt. It may sting. But only for a moment.
I’m not for everyone and what a boring world it would be if I was.
Because in the end, I can’t be everyone’s cup of tea.
I always liked coffee better anyway.”
Read more stories from Kaley here:
‘My hands were shaking as I gripped my son’s tiny hand in the backseat. ‘Just hurry up and get to the hospital.’: Mom’s confusion after ‘idyllic’ newborn’s rare Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia diagnosis
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