“I used to be the wild girl, could have 4 or 5 drinks and be dancing like no one’s watching. My feet would have been overworked so much that I’d stop feeling the pain. I had confidence to talk to anyone, had more energy than one should. I was thin. I could go into any shop, picked what I liked and walk out without trying it on. I didn’t worry about later, or tomorrow. I had late nights and slept through mornings.
Then I had kids… lol.
Alcohol means hangovers and there is no time for them. Sleep is so precious. I’m way too tired to dance, I wear practical shoes. My idea of a good night is watching Netflix in a nightgown. I have early nights and wake up before morning. My heart is more full than it’s ever been… but…
But it all kinda makes me feel invisible. I am invisible. And that can hurt. There are still parts of the old me that I miss. It’s like this – you are born alone, you spend years developing who you are, becoming an independent woman… and then suddenly you become, someone’s mom, someone’s partner, someone who is too exhausted to enjoy life.
That’s why mom’s need breaks. That’s why when things get too much you need, and you needn’t feel guilty for having the time to retreat from that life and become you again. When your life becomes beautiful and loved up but also relentless, you deserve to be you again. In any way that is. Exercise, partying, wines with girlfriends. Any way you won’t feel invisible anymore.
There is no such thing as ‘now I’m a Mom, I can’t do those things.’ It’s even more reason to do them! Don’t lose your spark. She’s still in there. You’ll come back… you’ll be the old you again… but in sensible shoes.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laura Mazza of Mum on the Run, where it originally appeared. Submit your story here, and subscribe to our best love stories here.
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