‘I was threatened with a letter to be kicked out because my grades were crap. I didn’t even believe I deserved to be there.’: Childhood trauma survivor’s message for others struggling, ‘You are already a somebody’

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“I read a study that said only 5% of people who suffer from childhood trauma finish high school.

I was in that 95%. I didn’t finish high school. The first month of my final year, I dropped out.

The more I read in that study, the more I fit the other criteria: boredom, agitation, disruption, a sense of worthlessness, and therefore, an inability to apply oneself.

I was told by a few teachers in the 5 different schools I went to, even by friends and family, I wouldn’t get very far.

I believed it.

But one thing I was always determined to do was prove people wrong.

At age 21, I decided I wanted to help people. I want to be a psychologist, a social worker, anything to help other people not go through what I went through.

I had to enroll into a few short courses to get into a psychology degree. I failed multiple times. I was even threatened with a letter to be kicked out because my grades were crap.

I knew I wanted this, so what was holding me back? It was because I didn’t believe in myself, at all.

I didn’t even believe I deserved to be there, even though I was 24, and it took a long road to just get into university. I didn’t feel like I deserved it. That I deserved success.

That letter shook me, it was the kick up the a** I needed, and I finished and smashed out my last subject with flying colors.

I felt like it wasn’t enough. I wanted a do-over. I wanted harder. So, I studied for a masters degree.

From being told you’re basically a dumba** all your life to going to study for a masters, well, it felt pretty good…

The only difference was now I had a child, then two children, then one on the way, and I wanted them to know their mother defeated the odds, defeated the statistics. I wanted them to know when if someone calls them a dumba**, or tells them they won’t get very far, they can prove them wrong.

So, I completed a masters degree with flying colors.

And still, that non-deserving part of me tells me to never brag. But why can’t we? Why shouldn’t we?

I am now looking into getting a PHD, where I can study ways to help that 95%, like me believe in themselves. Believe it’s okay to have confidence within themselves. Confidence for a humble brag.

The only difference between you and someone else is they did it. The only difference. They just did. They believed in themselves enough to keep going.

You don’t need ANYBODY to make you a SOMEBODY. You are already a SOMEBODY, you just need to believe that.”

Courtesy of Laura Mazza

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laura Mazza, where it originally appeared. Follow Laura on Instagram hereDo you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

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