‘Laura can do it, she’s home every day.’ I was told how hard my husband must have it. They didn’t tell me about the frustrations, the anger.’: Mom tells other stay-at-home moms ‘you are not alone’

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“When I had my son, people were asking me, ‘When did I plan to go back to work?’

When I told them I had no plans to immediately go back, I would constantly be told how lucky I am.

Then when I had my daughter, I was asked again.

When I told them I wasn’t ready to leave them, I was told I should be so appreciative.

I was told how hard my husband must have it.

I was told I should relish the opportunity given to me.

So, when they asked me how I was doing, I would respond with ‘fine.’

Because although I was extremely grateful, I also felt incredibly lonely.

Because even though I appreciated watching all the milestones, I was also riddled with an incredible amount of guilt.

Because no one told me the toll those first few weeks would take on my mental health, let alone the months.

They didn’t tell me the patience I thought I should have would fly out the window.

They didn’t tell me about the frustrations, the anger.

They didn’t tell me about the anxiety I would feel leaving the house.

And the depression I would feel when I didn’t.

They didn’t tell me about the relentless feeling of having the same routine every day. Dishes, laundry, cleaning up toys and messes — just to turn around and see it looking the same again, and be perceived as lazy. And spending all day mentally and physically exhausted, but still feeling like I haven’t done enough.

The expectations of, ‘Laura can do it, she’s home every day.’

And when someone asks me how I am doing or if I need help, feeling too guilty and ungrateful to say anything other than, ‘I’m fine!’

You can be grateful to be a stay at home mom, but it doesn’t mean you can’t voice your truth. It doesn’t mean you can’t talk about how hard it is. It doesn’t mean you don’t need help.

For all the stay at home mothers, you’re not alone.

You’re not less of a mother if you struggle. You’re not less of a mother if you aren’t coping, if you feel lonely. And you’re definitely not less of a mother if you need help.

Being a stay at home mother is hard and lonely. But you are not alone. And you are not any less of a grateful mother if you feel that way.”

Courtesy Laura Mazza

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laura Mazza, where it originally appeared. Follow Laura on Instagram here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

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