‘I was so scared I would forever be alone and lost.’: Man shares journey to healing after loss of mother

“I write with eyes full of tears, and so I will tell you my story.

I lost my mother to cancer when I was 15, and a piece of my soul was ripped from me and replaced with the evils of this world.

My mother was the only person I lived for, I loved her so dearly and I still do.

I was so scared I would forever be alone and lost.

People used and abused me with no shame or pity.

I have abused alcohol for so many years, thinking it would numb my pain, my rage, and my anger only to find it made everything worse!

All the physical fights in bars and all the beatings I took in the hopes a hand would end my life made me realize how much I hated myself.

I am a victim of suicidal thoughts, and all I wanted for these last 12 years was my own death by bullet.

My mother has been protecting me and speaking to me through these years. I shut her voice out from of fear of losing myself again.

I have found Jesus.

Jesus has been good to me.

Jesus has saved and continues to save me.

I realized the devil has whispered in my ear for many many years.

I lost my sanity in 2015 and went to Akeso Parktown in the hopes it would help.

The meds made everything worse. I lost myself even more.

The tears I have are pain leaving my body.

My purpose is to share light.

I am trying my best to support and love others and myself.

It is a miracle, God’s miracle, I am alive today.

Why am I saying this? Well…If you are out there and you have lost hope, I am here to say the fight is strong, but letting go and healing is so much stronger!

You WILL and CAN break through this!

Your life is a river, let it flow, allow the pain allow the rage and anger! Then let it go!

My solution is Jesus. Yours might be something else, but there IS HOPE.

Behind every smile, there is a story.

Your curse will be lifted by the grace of ‘God’ (in my case Jesus).

May light find you and may you let it in because you are good enough.

I found this song by Thomas Newman many years ago, and it is every feeling of pain, depression, anxiety, and loneliness I have ever felt leaving my existence and in return, I hear hope and let the light in.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Anonymous. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

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