“’You have a flat butt…’ uttered the worker at the clothing store as she explained why she pointed to the pants that would be a better fit for my ‘flat butt.’
I snapped back with, ‘No, I don’t’ as I thought of the last guy I dated who constantly told me how ‘perfectly round’ he thought my booty was.
‘Yes, you do,’ she said, going tit-for-tat with me. I can’t remember what I said next but shortly after she came back with, ‘I mean you don’t have a Kim Kardashian butt.’
I left the store with no pants and feeling less than. I’ll never be as good as Kim Kardashian, I thought. I started texting the guy mentioned above, so he could talk me out of my now flat-butt belief. The only thing flat was my confidence.
Now that I look back, I can proudly say, ‘No, I don’t have a Kim Kardashian butt because I’m not Kim Kardashian, I’m Felicia.’
What I then thought was this worker giving me a complex was actually her giving me a much stronger belief in myself and my d–n butt.
So, even though I reported her use of words at the time (I was touchy, okay), I want to thank her now. You made me better and my butt never changed.
Isn’t that fascinating? (It’s hard for me to live without a dash of sarcasm). See, comparisons in this life will never end, be it intentional or unintentional.
Just the other day, I was driving past Mr. Chicken. I paid attention to their advertising billboard of the Mr. Chicken chicken sandwich versus the smaller, less appealing chicken sandwich elsewhere. It read, ‘Ours… theirs’ with both chicken sandwiches side by side.
I’m not downing Mr. Chicken. They are using marketing tactics to sell their brand. How can I hate them for it? We all do it. S–t, I do it.
I smiled as I drove past because I knew something so much deeper. I knew two things: Mr. Chicken has a great chicken sandwich. So does Chick-Fil-A. So does Wendy’s. And yes, so does McDonald’s.
They are all different in their own right. They all fulfill a different kind of need.
Maybe you run to Mr. Chicken because you’re starving and their chicken sandwich is super thick.
Maybe you go to Wendy’s because you know you need to wash your chicken sandwich down with that Frosty.
Maybe you’re pinching pennies and needing to reminisce of your childhood, so you know the golden arches will save you money and bring you comforting nostalgia.
When everything is unique, there really is no comparison. Kim Kardashian is beautiful. So is Jennifer Lopez. So is Lizzo. So is the girl making my chicken sandwich. So are you and so am I. So is every d–n chicken sandwich and for every d–n reason.
I’ll be honest. I want a rounder bottom just like I want an amazing chicken sandwich. I’ve been doing kick-backs with weights sitting on the back of my legs, side-kicks and more. I haven’t seen much of a difference. It may take awhile or never.
Perhaps my need for this is because I think, subconsciously, I’m not as good as Kim Kardashian because I don’t have her bottom.
Perhaps I’m falling too hard into the current generational trend that says ‘bigger is better’ and the very ideology that I thought was saving me is the same one holding me back. Boom. There it is.
The ideology of anything being better (even if you currently fall into ‘the better’ category) will hold you back more than it will free you.
Bigger isn’t better. Thinner isn’t better. Big bottom isn’t better. Flat bottom isn’t better. Mr. Chicken, I love you for trying, but your sandwich isn’t better than McDonald’s. And McDonald’s chicken sandwich isn’t better than yours.
You’re all different. And in a world where we are all trying to knock someone down to move ourselves up, I’d rather not play. I’d rather just find my place among all the open seats and relish in who I am.
I’ll still do my exercises. But I’m not going to feel like I have to do them to reach a butt I wasn’t meant to have. I’ll still eat Mr. Chicken and Chick-fil-A and McDonald’s and any other chicken sandwich I come across.
Here’s the thing… someone out there is going to want what you have. Someone out there is not going to want what you have.
My whole life I’ve heard people praise my eyes, lips, and face. My whole life I’ve heard people down my weight when I gained it. But what they don’t know is how often I admire smaller lips and wonder what it would be like to have them for just a day.
They don’t know how killer I think brown eyes really are. They don’t know how I USED to wish I looked more American with less ethnic features. I’m not ashamed of my heritage. In fact, now I’m proud to say I’m bi-racial.
They don’t know how I’ve struggled like hell with addiction. Most people’s vices are not visible. Mine is shared for the world to see.
I spent most of my days fighting who I was to be like the girl with the bigger butt, or as good as the ‘other chicken sandwich,’ until recently.
It has taken years of competition, and a plethora of comments that broke me to make me realize exactly why none of it matters.
When you’re whole inside, you don’t need to compete. When you’re whole inside, you don’t think of who has a bigger butt or prettier lips.
You might think I’m comparing apples and oranges. Maybe I am. I know we’re human and some of us prefer certain foods over others. It’s not a crime. But just work with me here.
Maybe even I need to shift my mentality to align with the words I write because… when you’re whole inside, you can honestly care less about proving you have the best chicken sandwich or creating the best booty.
Well, maybe you want to choose the best chicken sandwich for your palate, I get that. But why do we go out of our way to dim the light of the ones in comparison? I know it’s business. But even our business culture is always trying to knock the next business down to sit in the spotlight of excellence. We do the very same thing outside of business hours.
Human nature, I get it again. Business nature, I get it again. But when is enough really enough? Maybe, collectively, we can take a different approach.
Let’s strive to understand all those sandwiches have something to offer. So do all those lips and so do all those sizes.
Nothing needs to be redone. Nothing is better or worse. Nothing needs to appear side by side to show how good one is and how the other doesn’t measure up.
Nothing is missing. The only thing that might be missing is our ability to see clearly.
To see without comparison.
To see without one-upping.
To see without falling for falsehoods.
To see without being programmed to ‘bigger is better,’ be it a sandwich or a body part.
To see without being programmed to ‘thinner is better,’ be it a sandwich or a body part.
To just see things and people for what they’re worth.
To just see me.
To just see you.
To just see it all.
Just as it is.
Because yours or theirs… it’s ALL good.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Felicia Naoum of Parma, Ohio, and originally appeared here. You can follow her journey on Facebook. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
Read more stories from Felicia here:
We Aren’t ‘Celebrating Obesity’ — The Truth Behind Body Positivity
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