So you and your narcissist just broke up.
Maybe you broke up 6 months ago and they are back in your lives (*cough* HOOVERING). All of a sudden, they want to be friends.
This may seem like such a bizarre request. I mean, chances are, the narcissist has already kicked you out of their lives multiple times, given you the silent treatment, blocked your number and socials, and sent their flying monkeys after you.
So why? Why would a narcissist ever want to be someone’s friend?
The answer is quite simple.
Supply & Demand
You know by now that the narcissist needs endless amounts of supply (attention) to thrive on their own. But the fact that they could have a friendship with you after the breakup? That hits the jackpot.
You see, this isn’t normal behavior. The narcissist is known for keeping a harem or garage of old exes on the backburner so that they may pull and rotate through them all in case the newest supply doesn’t work out. In the mind of a narcissist, you are forever theirs, which is why they keep tabs on you even years down the road.
Something that had always baffled me was that my narcissist ex, while we were dating, would find ways to reach out to his previous girlfriend. He would make it seem oh so innocent. Then I realized that this is just what they do. They also enjoy being able to tell people that they are cool with their exes, implying that they were never the problem at all.
I reconnected with my narcissist 6 months after our breakup which wasn’t smart, but hey, I truly thought time and space could do wonders. 5 or 6 weeks after talking and messing around, I realized the mask was still the same and nothing really changed at all, so I decided to take myself out of the equation.
Upon blocking their number, I got a call from a number asking if I could unblock and talk to them. I obliged and we spoke. They went on and on about their birthday dinner, whom they had their new supply there with them, and I told them great. I was short and they noticed. They asked me if they could still be my friend. I said absolutely not and this seemed puzzling to them. You see, being friends with a narcissist is never a good idea. We said our goodbyes, hung up the phone, and I blocked them back for good.
So what was that all about? My guess? The next supply wasn’t 100% secured yet and they wanted something to fall back on. This is why narcissists keep people on a Rolodex to contact when their current relationship goes south. Narcissists cannot be alone and this is why upon breaking up with someone, they jump into relationships as soon as they possibly can.
When narcissists are alone, they are insecure and afraid. They are left to deal with themselves which they absolutely despise. Many people often think that narcissists love themselves and it does appear that way. However, deep down inside they hate themselves the most.
If your narcissist ex wants to remain your friend soon after a breakup or even contacts you to establish friendship years down the road, save yourself the grief and just don’t do it. A friendship with a narcissist isn’t a true friendship; they are always looking to gain something and it shows.
When a narcissist wants to be your friend, it doesn’t mean that they have changed or matured. It does not mean that they value or love you. It does not mean that they will have something meaningful to offer you. It is a lie and will always be a lie. You were never friends, why start now? He, she, or they doesn’t want a friend, he wants a Plan B, C, D, or Z. They also don’t want to give you closure or to see you moving on without them which is another reason why they are prone to interjecting themselves by hoovering you often.
If I had not fully left my narcissist, I wouldn’t be happily engaged to a healthy, sweet man today. Think about what you could be missing out on. Break that trauma bond of narcissism and have the power to heal and move on. Lock the door and throw away the key. Happiness is on the way!
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Sia Cooper of Diary of a Fit Mommy. You can follow her journey on Instagram and Facebook. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
Read more from Sia:
‘I wasn’t allowed to have male friends. I caught him messaging not one, but two escorts on a work trip using a fake name. In a year, we broke up 10 times.’: Woman urges ‘look for the red flags’ after escaping narcissist
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‘I was 22 and wanted to feel feminine. My husband said breast implants would help ‘spice things up.’: Woman removes implants after plagued by Breast Implant Illness, ‘Removing them gave me the confidence I lacked for years’
‘It’s a girl!’ My heart sank. On the way home from my gender reveal, I cried. Hard. I was hoping it was some mistake.’: Woman candidly shares reality of ‘gender disappointment’ after years of mother’s abuse
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