“I cried over chicken today. There was absolutely no meat left in the store and that was it for me. Tears streamed down my face and I realized not only is my anxiety through the roof, my anger is real. I’m angry over so much.
I’m angry my daughter’s prom was cancelled, possibly her graduation. I’m angry that my husband can’t come home for his mid tour, my parents can’t come visit because it’s not safe for them to travel. I’m so angry that the front-line people don’t have the right equipment. I’m angry that we have to still babysit people and tell them to stay home. I’m angry that my friends who all have their husbands with them want to do a Zoom call while I’m home without mine. I’m angry this world is falling apart.
On top of me being angry, I also realized I’m so sad and I’m very scared. I am scared something bad will happen to someone I love or myself. I’m scared I won’t get to reunite with my husband. I’m scared for the people that lost their jobs and their income. I’m scared for the people on the front line. I’m scared for our country. I am just scared and feel like I just need to lock myself away.
Then yesterday came. As I sat on my couch and grabbed my huge bucket of cheese balls, I started throwing them at my daughter. She got up and for probably a good 30 minutes she was trying to catch them in her mouth. Our dogs were jumping around trying to catch the ones she missed, and we laughed. We laughed a lot. It was the first big burst of laughter we had experienced in weeks. It was something so stupid, but it helped in that moment to not stress over what was going on in the world.
And then the dreaded texts started coming in from my group of friends and their husbands about that Zoom call. All these guys went to flight school together and we are spread around the world. So, we planned on times when we could all talk. I tried really hard to come up with excuses to keep me off the call but then my friends of course being who they are go and find ways for us all to be on it and work out times, so it just works for everyone. So now I’m obligated, right? So, I get on this call and I want nothing to do with it because I’m in a bad place. So instead of relying on my friends at this time I’m trying to avoid them. You know how long that call was? 4 hours! 4 freaking hours.
You probably ask why I didn’t just get off the call if I don’t want to be a part of it. Well, that’s because it’s exactly what I needed. I needed to be ‘around’ the people that have been there for me and me for them when things were hard. I loved hearing my husband talk with the guys he went through school with. I laughed and listened mostly, but I realized as much as I pushed, they didn’t let me just disappear in this moment.
Here’s the thing…we are ALL going through this together. We do need to follow directions and stay home. We need to realize we live in the United States of freakin’ America and we will get through this. We will come out stronger and we do not need to allow ourselves to fall in this awful hole. There isn’t one person in this world that Covid19 hasn’t affected in some way shape or form.
The point of this crazy rambling is that don’t allow yourself to sink. It’s very easy to do right now. We are all trying our best even if it is not really our best. This new way of life has made it extremely difficult on everyone. Rely on the people you love and that love you. It’s also okay to cry over chicken but let it out and move on. If you need a day or two be honest about it and let your loved ones in so they know what is going on and can be there when you are ready. My friends weren’t going anywhere no matter how much I pushed and for that I am damn lucky.
So, ride the roller coaster of emotions and know it is okay to do that. But you can also bet your ass we are coming out stronger…but we have to do it together.”
This is an exclusive story to Love What Matters. For permission to use, email Exclusive@LoveWhatMatters.com.
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Mary Scott, 36, of Horseheads, New York. Follow her journey on Instagram here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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