“Do I post aesthetically pleasing photos of my children, or videos of them being cute and sweet?
Absolutely I do.
What I don’t post most days are videos of my kids being tiny terrors or me crying in the corner of my kitchen clutching my ice-cold coffee like a rosary, praying bedtime will be coming soon.
There are just as many of those moments I assure you, I just don’t stop to photograph or video them.
This morning as I write this I am huddled in the corner of my kitchen while one daughter watches Frozen and the other takes her morning nap, looking around my house that was pretty clean only a few hours ago but now looks like a mess blew through here… overwhelmed is an understatement.
Two months ago I was officially diagnosed with ADHD.
Something I’ve lived with my whole life, thinking the overwhelm, anxiety, and freeze response to starting projects or organizing my life meant I was lazy or broken somehow.
Turns out my prefrontal cortex doesn’t work the same as most people.
I’m not lazy; I’m in fight, flight, or freeze and my brain shuts down into survival mode as soon as something seems to be too overwhelming.
This has been a freeing diagnosis.
I’ve tried my whole life to be an organized, high-achieving people pleaser, and while in some ways I have done that, when motherhood hit, the façade of perfectionism became much harder to keep up.
So I said eff it, and while my diagnosis doesn’t change the way my brain works, it’s given me permission to feel okay about things not being ‘perfect.’
I’ve always said I wanted to be honest and open about the ups and downs of motherhood, so here it is.
I choose quality time with my kids over a clean house most days.
My brain and my nervous system can’t handle the pressure of doing it all, and that’s okay.
Some days my house is clean, but most days I choose to lean into the messy house and give my kids my attention instead.
This comes at the cost of my sanity in a messy, overwhelming house, but it’s worth it for my girls.
So if you ever see my page and think I do it all, not even close.
I’m on the struggle bus with the rest of ya!”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Rachael Krupski of Long Island, NY. You can follow her journey on Instagram and her blog. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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