‘After spending $13 on low brow tacos, my wife and I went Christmas shopping for our kids. This was our date for the month. This is parenthood. Sexy.’: Dad hilariously grapples with kids’ holiday wish lists

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“After spending $13 on low brow tacos my wife and I went Christmas shopping for our kids. This was our date for the month. This is parenthood. Sexy… I know. Here are a few thoughts, observations, and exaggerations on shopping for toys in 2018.

My son asked for a shirt with a cat in space shooting lightning from its paws while eating a pizza and I actually scratched a hole in my head trying to understand.

A surprising amount of toys this year have to do with poop and farts. What a time to be alive.

Thanks YouTube for making everything come in a magic egg.

Our son’s wish list added up to just over $5k and I’ve never wanted to make someone live on the streets until now.

Play-doh was on everyone’s list and we won’t be getting any of it because I’d rather slam my head in a car door.

Our daughter’s asked for a Barbie dream house to share so they can fight over a pretend house inside our real house.

I didn’t think my 11-year-old could possibly get lazier and then boom! He asked for a hover board.

As if having real pets wasn’t enough, my daughters asked for a stuffed dog that licks and twerks along with a walking unicorn who declares her love. Christmas morning’s going to be like Narnia meets Miley Cyrus.

$60? Seriously? Not today, LOL surprise!

Our middle daughter asked for a bath bomb maker, a child-sized foot massager, and a children’s press on nail kit. Turns out I’m raising Paris Hilton.

We finally wilted down their lists to something they need, want, and can read. Bring on the tears.

God bless America.

Happy holidays.”

Husband and wife smile in selfie in toy aisle shopping for children's Christmas presents
Clint Edwards

This story was written by Clint Edwards from No Idea What I’m Doing: A Daddy Blog and author of Silence is a Scary Sound: And Other Stories on Living Through the Terrible Twos and Threes.  His new book can be found here. Follow Clint on Instagram here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTubefor our best videos.

Read more from Clint here:

‘Umm, I’m busy right now,’ he said. I describe my 11-year-old as a slug of a boy. He was playing on the family laptop, wearing sweatpants, on the sofa, feet on the coffee table.’

‘I fought buying a king-sized bed for years. It was for older couples who secretly hate each other but are sticking it out until the kids leave for college.’

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