‘My husband misses every kick. I have to birth and care for this baby by myself.’: Pregnant Air Force paramedic works alone during Covid-19, ‘I swore to make sacrifices to get the mission done’

“A couple of months until the deployment, the news hit. Things were getting bad. My husband wouldn’t have the chance to come home for the birth of his daughter. I didn’t know what it meant for my baby. I still continue to do my job. I made a commitment.”

‘I’d stepped out of a 5-minute shower. ‘What are those purple things, mama?’ Her question stopped me in my tracks.’: Mom says ‘you’d never be the mother you are today without each tear in your roadmap’

“They were always something I had tried to hide. I tried my best to explain them to her curious 5-year-old heart. Her big, wet hug let me know that although her age only equaled the number of fingers on her tiny hands, she understood.”

‘The first thing I heard was, ‘If she survives, she’s losing all of her limbs.’ I let her go. I’d rather live a lifetime of pain than have her here selfishly.’: Mom says ‘I have never felt more like a mom than I do after losing Kinsley’

“I let her go. That all sounded like a pretty sh*tty existence, right? Then they proceeded to say she had a stroke. As I watched my daughter die, all I wanted was to trade places with her. I wanted to take the pain away. So, I let her go.”

‘The nurse said the word ‘fetal demise’ and my heart stopped. I was disgusted with myself. ‘If you leave, we’ll call it an Against Medical Advice Discharge.’: Mom births NICU warrior amid pandemic 

“They refused to allow my husband back upstairs after he got off work, saying my unit didn’t count as a maternity unit. He flipped out. I cried and hid in the dark for two days. I let my husband go. What kind of mother was I to put her life at risk? I finally understood what it meant to give up anything to keep my family safe.”

‘I wonder how this man could ever love me. The guilt of having a cleaning lady makes me feel like a pathetic human being.’: Mom struggling with anxiety says ‘you never know who is desperately kicking beneath the surface’

“If I wanted to impress a crowd, I could. I’ve got my ducky little life put together. At home, my children are laughing, my husband is eating a hot dinner, and the floor is tidy and clean. Right beneath the surface, hidden right before your eyes, is someone desperately trying to stay afloat.”

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