“I made him toast and got him a coke. He seemed better. We talked for a minute and he fell back asleep. His eyes were no longer tracking me. I hurried as fast as I could to the car, carrying Baine in my arms. Within 5 minutes, he was losing consciousness. He was making horrible noises in his seat. He was scared, but he couldn’t communicate. His brain was being slowly poisoned.”
“There’s no time for self-care. I have difficulty finding time to even shower. Being a temporary single parent comes with its fair share of difficulties, but it has some pretty amazing perks.”
“I felt like I had a connection with an elderly couple walking their dog on the side of the road. So, of course, I yelled. ‘Who was that?’ the kids asked. ‘I have no idea.’ They were both mortified. I realize I’ve said something weird, but they can’t see my flaming cheeks while I’m wearing a mask.”
“I used to sit on the floor and play with him. Now, I sit court side while he plays. I used to plan play dates. Now, I watch him go out on dates. I used to pray for his health, his happiness, and that I could somehow be the mother he needed… and I still do.”
“The doctor reassured, ‘Today is the sickest she’ll be. Once the anti-virals kick in, she’ll be on the mend.’ Around 3:00 a.m. I awoke and thought, ‘Finally! The medicine is working.’ I lay there a moment longer and got a sick gut feeling. I said her name and heard nothing. In the police car, there were no sirens. There was no rush to the hospital. ‘This is where I give you the if-this-was-my daughter speech. It’s time to let go.'”
“One day they’ll want a shower instead of a bath. One day you’ll realize their car seat is no longer facing backward, and you don’t need that little rearview mirror on the headrest anymore. One day you’ll miss brushing their teeth because now they can do it themselves. Before you even know it, that precious phase will be gone.”
“I didn’t want to be a mother. I knew I couldn’t do this. Parenting involves sacrifice. I have a purpose outside of them, passions and interests that aren’t dependent on them.”
“I let someone else’s highlight reel persuade me into thinking I needed to do more, be more, achieve more, make more. I’ve been so distracted lately by the success of others that I’ve taken my eyes off my own. So here I am, with my 11-year-old SUV, and still going strong.”
“I picked up my phone and thought to myself, ‘Hmm, I wonder what she’s up to.’ I saw an image I thought was a mistake. It was baby number 4. ’Somehow, someway, send that baby to her siblings.’ I knew in my heart we were going to experience this all over again.”
“‘I don’t think he has any real family.’ The nurse looked up and loudly proclaimed, ‘Noah, your new mommy and daddy are here!’ We both smiled as big as we could at the little boy in the hospital bed with the swollen head and adorable chubby cheeks.”
