‘Pocket the money you would have spent. Spend it on wine instead. Being a single parent takes an emotional toll.’: Temporary single mom says ‘there’s no magic number that makes a family whole’

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“This blog post is dedicated to my newfound respect for single parents. Whether you are temporarily a single parent, like myself, or your life has brought you solitude in parenting, this one’s for you.

Even though I was sick on Saturday, I still had to play my mom role because moms (and dads) have no sick days! Luckily enough for myself, my knight in shining armor, otherwise known as my mother-in-law, swooped in at 6 o’clock and saved me by taking my toddler-saurus rex for the night so I could rest up and be miserable in peace.

It is wonderful I have such a great support system at home I can count on. Day in and day out, I am still (a temporary) single parent. With this deployment, I highly underestimated how difficult single parenting is. It is all the mundane, tedious tasks that add up. Every bedtime, sippy refill, diaper change, car seat buckle, and meal made ADDS UP. You instantly become responsible for your partner’s job, on top of your own. This means you have to be the good guy, the bad guy, and the funny guy, which is so not my role at home. That is definitely my husband’s job as he has worked diligently to perfect the fart noise. It means all the laundry, all the clean-up, and grocery runs are a one-man band job.

I am lucky enough to have jobs I drag my daughter to. Six days a week we have somewhere to be. I also know not every parent has this luxury, which would then include the hassle and financial burdens of daycare. Not to mention, I can only imagine the difficulties of above-said tasks increase in hardship when the amount of offspring is also increased.

When you are a single parent, there is a lack of time for self-care. The balance between everyday living tasks, on top of work, added with trying to play, read, and spend quality time with your child takes a toll on the clock. I have difficulty in finding time to even shower. Single parenting is hard on your mental well-being, which requires self-care too. To aid mine, I made three relatively small personal goals to achieve: go to church, the gym, and read more. I struggle with balancing them. Finding time is difficult!

Courtesy Jessica Edmisten

Being a single parent takes an emotional toll as well. I am sure this looks different for everyone, as everyone’s situation and children differ. For myself, being a temporary single parent, my two-year-old is highly confused and upset as to where her dad is. She will call for him in crowded places and will get excited when she sees a truck like his, thinking it is him. Sometimes, when she is able to facetime with him, she will bury her hands in her face, her way of showing she is upset and wants to cry. It is devastating to watch and comfort her sadness. It takes an emotional toll on me as a mother too. I highly value my husband’s parenting opinions. So much so, I find myself texting him all the time about various situations and what he thinks I should do, even though he isn’t even here right now. It takes a toll on the family idea inside your head, longing for that fulfilled family picture. Something as small as matching Christmas PJs hits differently when you don’t need as many.

Although single parenting comes with its fair share of difficulties, it has some pretty amazing perks I want to accredit too. First of all, as I said above, I am blessed to have an amazing support system. My daughter has so many people in her life who love her dearly. She has grown even closer to family members since my husband left for deployment because we spend so much time with family.

Secondly, my daughter and I have had the chance to spend so much one on one time together. By that, I mean day in and day out, from morning to night, unless mommy requests for a grandma-sitter getaway night. We have had awesome one on one dates to play places, parks, libraries, restaurants, shopping, and more. She’s my go-to sidekick for all the events I attend now. It feels good to know how much I mean to her and that she finds comfort in me being her caretaker. Little does she know I feel the same about her.

As far as the matching PJs go, pocket the money you would have spent on the missing pair. Spend it on wine instead. Expert advice if you ask me. The positive to being a single parent, whether it be temporary or full time, is family. There is no magic number that makes a family a whole. I know some amazing single moms and dads who OWN IT and are BADASS.

Although I am only living in this role temporarily, it is still a hard task because it is EXHAUSTING but I am doing it. I’m making it happen. It is difficult but it is making me a stronger person. Mentally and physically. (Did I mention I haul that big 30-pound baby and her heavy diaper bag with winter coats on, coffee in hand, up and down a two-story parking garage more than five times a week?)

Being a single parent means twice as many responsibilities and twice as many kisses. I know there are many moms and dads out there who do it all on their own 24/7, 365 days a year, and to you all, I say YOU ROCK. I see you. I know it is not easy, I am living it. But family is family, no matter how big or small.”

Courtesy Jessica Edmisten

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Jessica Edmisten, 23, of Ohio. You can follow her journey on Instagram here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more stories from Jessica here: 

‘SHE’S 21 AND PREGNANT. DO NOT ASSOCIATE.’ We lost friends. We stopped getting invites.’: Young mother swears every sacrifice was worth it, ‘We gained so much more than we lost’

‘Had I just been a part of a cheating scandal? I wanted to vomit. I immediately called him out, probably sent him a million swear words.’: Woman shares ups and downs of their ‘non-fairy tale’ story

‘I had plans to graduate. We’d both just gotten good jobs. Why was this happening to us NOW?’: Young mom says age doesn’t matter, ‘We will always be exactly where we need to be’

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