“Gabby kept complaining about her left knee. Her brother had just gone through a similar growth spurt and had constant knee pain as well. I thought nothing of it. I took the kids to Target after school one day when I noticed she was limping. ‘Does it really hurt THAT BAD?’ Nothing looked wrong with it. Soon after, I got the call. ‘They will call and tell you where Gabby needs to go.’ WHAT? I paused, no idea what she was talking about.”
“I said, ‘Break a leg!’ She got furious and started yelling at me, ‘Why do you want me to break a leg?? She takes things exactly the way they are, what you say is what she hears, and she processes the language just as it’s spoken. Katy has her own unique way of thinking, which I adore.”
“Rowen’s skull was swelling. He started grabbing his head constantly and screaming. He was throwing up non-stop and couldn’t even turn his head. I kept hearing time and time again from doctors, ‘You just need some sleep.’ It got to the point where every time they saw me, they asked, ‘Are you getting sleep? You need it badly.’ I started to doubt myself. Was I going crazy? But deep down, I knew something wasn’t right. I decided to go with my gut. Enough was ENOUGH.”
“I never talked about FA with friends, classmates, or professors. I exhausted myself doing so much walking around campus, attempting to keep up and pretend everything was ok. I had tunnel vision; walking on my own was all I cared about… until I had no choice.”
“I saw the pictures and read the words, but my brain couldn’t understand. My arms were tingling. Alarm bells were ringing in my head. ‘What? Why was this woman, his assistant, texting this to him?’ I slumped to the bathroom floor, then shakily stood and made my way down the stairs, using the handrail to prop me up.”
“He began disappearing for days. He had no care at all about my pregnancy. I knew something was going on. Little did I know, I’d get the shock of my life. I was excited he agreed to come home for dinner. As I was emptying the pockets in his jeans for laundry, I knew what it was immediately. A glass container used to store drugs. ‘How could he?’ I thought. I sat there crying, holding so tightly to my baby bump, telling her not to worry, I would fix her dad before she got here.”
“We were just waiting to see Santa. I will never forget that room, it was so beautiful. All done up with snowmen, lovely lights, Christmas Music playing. It was sensory heaven for my little boy. I will never forget that woman. I will never forget the way she looked at my little boy. The way she stared. The look of disgust on her face.”
“You know those kinds of days where everything that can go wrong does? Yesterday was that day. I’d gotten no sleep before the littles began stirring. The rest of the day was a blur of school lessons, cleaning, runs to multiple stores for ONE thing. Supper was a complete FAIL. I needed to wash my hair because, let’s face it, one can only use dry shampoo for so long, but I hadn’t any energy to muster for that daunting task. Then a thought silently crept across my mind: ‘Ask Donald.’ I had to lay my pride aside.”
“If one more kid gets out of bed for so much as a SNIFF of water, I’m going to pull my freakin hair out. That child might end up on the front porch wearing a ‘for sale’ sign. I just can’t anymore. I needed space. I needed something to belong to ME.”
“When I wanted to quit my job he said sure. Stay home with your kids? Girls nights out? Breaks from your babies laying bra-less in bed for far too long? He’ll provide for it all. Magic like this man doesn’t happen very often. So, try to capture some of it. Stand in his presence—and enjoy what it feels like to be free. To be fully seen and loved anyhow.”
