“All the nurses direct their attention to mom, but as you stand tall next to the woman you love, inside you are broken. As you hold your significant other’s hand, not one person in the room notices your eyes swell with tears. But I do.”
A Letter To The Overlooked Bereaved Dads
‘Mrs. Fey, I’m sorry for getting in a fistfight during algebra, then calling you the B-word for breaking it up. And what did you do? You showed up at 7 a.m. to work with me one-on-one.’
“My parents were divorced, my father was addicted to painkillers. He was in jail most of high school. My mother and I weren’t getting along. None of this justifies how I acted, and it wasn’t your problem. You made my difficult life bearable.”
‘She wanted to crash a wedding, toilet paper a house and travel. I remember looking at her sitting there, thinking, ‘She will not be here much longer.’
“I will never forget the day she called me and told me. She was sorry and she didn’t understand why it was happening to her.”
‘Girl, I bet you’ll get pregnant right after you adopt. Just watch!’ It’s nails on a chalkboard when I hear that.’
“We didn’t adopt in order to become pregnant. I never want my sweet girl to think she was SECOND best. You are the absolute BEST thing that ever happened to me.”
‘My mama’s baby is going to come out of her crotch and it’s going to hurt! Then it’s going to eat milk from her boobies!’ My younger mom-self would have died. But, she’s not WRONG.’
“We were out shopping when an older woman approached me about my 5 kiddos. I’ve never minded the curiosity. After asking all of their ages, I said, ‘And another one on the way!’ Then, one of my 3-year-old twins had some extra information to share.”
‘That night started with a date and a bottle of wine I remember already being open. It had been 11 years. It was time to deal with it.’
“There are only two people who know exactly what I remember. Me, and a compassionate police detective. Late one evening, an email popped up with the name of that person’s ex-wife. The thing was, I became obsessed.”
‘The nurse checked if my skin was salty to confirm her suspicions. She was right. I came out of the hospital and immediately changed my job.’: Woman diagnosed with ‘life-threatening’ Cystic Fibrosis, ‘I couldn’t be more alive’
“I was rushed to the hospital into intensive care. I was not expected to survive, but luck seemed to be on my side. The nurse who was caring for me suspected what it was – her daughter also had it.”
‘I was woken by a call. ‘There is something wrong with Twin B.’ Seeing the name on my caller ID made my heart leap out of my throat. How could this happen to my little, happy fighter?’
“I was trying to wrap my head around it. How does a twin, leave the other twin behind? How do we live on without her? We received another call in the middle of the night. ‘She isn’t moving the right side of her body.’ Nothing was going to stop her.”
‘I blankly looked at the doctor. ‘What does this mean?’ He replied, ‘Hope you don’t go deaf.’ They gave me a discharge note. ‘I could drop dead at any time.’
“Would you ever think a blood clot could save your life? My phone dinged with a new email from the lab, I nervously signed in and opened the attachment. ‘No way!’ I shouted out loud, was I reading this right?”
‘People went out of their way to ignore me, as if being fat was contagious. Others used me as a lesson for their kids. ‘Look! This is what happens when you don’t eat right!’ I couldn’t find happiness, so food was my escape.’
“My weight got to the point where standing was painful. My wife got used to my answer being ‘no’ to everything. The panic set in. Was my weight ruining her life? Was I trapping her? Did she resent me for that? Did she still find me attractive or fun to be around?”