“I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen my grandma emotional. 50 years after she lost her baby, she sat across from her two granddaughters and bravely told the story through teary eyes. Her face was glowing, every emotion so pronounced. 50 years later, and my ferociously strong and stubborn grandma is still grieving. You and I will grieve our babies forever, too.”
“We rushed into the emergency room. I was bleeding so badly I thought I was going to die right there in the hospital alone. My husband was stuck checking me in for what seemed like forever. The events that happened next took place so fast, but as I look back on it now, the initial care I was given makes me so mad and sad. Once she finally realized the severity of what was happening, she ran for back up. I wanted to follow him right up to heaven. I begged God to take me too.”
“When I walked in, he looked at me. I could see the fear in his eyes. He whispered through his tears, ‘I’m scared, I don’t want to go.’ Everything in me wanted to protect him, to hug him and tell him he could stay. That we could figure this out together. With tears streaming down my face and a strength I never knew I had, I said, ‘You have to go.’”
“‘Are you SURE?’ I asked the doc, reading the report. ‘It would be like being struck by lightening TWICE. He’s fine.’ They were wrong. He was SICK. Sicker than any baby I’d seen.”
“I have a facial difference that I cover daily. I haven’t had the courage to show my facial difference. Why? Because the town I live in now, well, most of them have no idea it’s even there. I’m worried I’ll be dubbed ‘the girl with the birthmark,’ like I have so many times before.”
“At first, I saw just a blob on the screen. I didn’t think much of it until the ultrasound tech zoomed in. I saw arms, legs, eyes, fingers…this was a real freaking baby in me! I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh, be happy or sad. I never felt a connection to this thing inside of me until I saw it. As time went by, I was counting down the days until I could meet my son. He was the only thing that kept me going.”
“I was sitting in my room doing homework. His ex-girlfriend called. He was caught red handed. He drove to my house with flowers and sobbed. ‘I’m so sorry. I’m just so insecure because you’re so out of my league – I got nervous and cheated.’ I was so angry. My relationship was destroying my family. Nevertheless, I went to Disney with him anyway. I stood in the middle of Magic Kingdom crying, alone and terrified.”
“I felt disgusted with myself. Why couldn’t I just put the pump down? I knew this decision would allow me more time to hold my baby, yet I was still holding on to this expectation of myself. I didn’t want to be strapped to a machine that was yielding no results…. Yet here I was.”
“We stood in astonishment. Prior to this, he’d only known how to say one word: ‘Dog.’ My wife and I leaned in to tell him we loved him. He looked up again and said, ‘I love you.’ We held his little hand, his little frail body in my arms, and begged him to visit us. I asked him to watch over his siblings. We put him in the black Suburban, and watched them drive away.”
“This is what they will always be to you. But dang it if I don’t want to go back to that time when he looked up at his big sister, and was so proud. This year I’ll send that murderous clown out into the neighborhood hoping he’s polite and that people can see past his horrific costume.”
