“At first, my little ‘hobby’ was an outlet – a very private and personal one. We had recently endured the sudden loss of our son. It was noticed by friends – and friends of friends. I quickly realized there were so many mamas that understood.”
‘During a regular, boring trip to the grocery store at 26-weeks pregnant, I went into labor. We rushed to the hospital. The NICU doctor had to ‘speak with us.’ My heart broke all over again.’
‘You’re an angel,’ he said to me after a night of being told I was worthless. The sun started to shine through the window, it reeked of booze and I had yet to sleep. I wanted to be that ‘angel.’
“My grandma passed away, and everything came crumbling down around me. I was alone. I needed him more than anything now. I needed his support, I needed him to hold me and listen to the speech I had prepared for her funeral. Instead, he did the exact opposite. ‘I need space,’ he said. SPACE?!”
‘I blacked out and collapsed. ‘We’re taking your baby,’ I heard someone say. I woke up not knowing where I was. I tried to tell them I was in pain, but couldn’t talk.’
“I saw nurses running back and forth. My parents waited for the helicopter to land. ‘They have to do surgery right now or she’ll die.’ My husband pulled over, went behind a building, and cried. ‘How am I going to raise 4 kids alone?!’ My oldest son was too scared to touch me. ‘I’m scared I’m going to hurt you, mama.’”
‘Garry!’ I yelled, grabbing his face. ‘Garry, wake up!’ I screamed at him. There was no response other than the awful snoring and shaking. I bolted across my yard to pound on my neighbor’s door.’
“I awoke with a startle. I’d only been asleep for an hour when a strange sound roused me. There it was again, coming from my husband’s side of the bed; a strange snoring sound, except it wasn’t snoring. Something wasn’t right. He was shaking. My babies were sleeping soundly in their beds.”
‘This is it.’ I took a deep breath, answered the phone, my heart racing. ‘She is heading to the hospital in labor now.’ We couldn’t believe it, OUR SON. That is what SHE called him.’
“‘You’re lucky you CAN’T have kids,’ a stressed out mother once told me. I was floored. I held my son for hours crying tears of joy. I remember telling my husband, ‘It’s all over. I feel like I can breathe again. This weight I carried for years has been lifted.’”
‘You’d be so much prettier if you lose some weight.’ I was only allowed to drink water. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut.’: Woman finds confidence after lifetime of body shaming, ‘I set MY OWN beauty standards now’
“At 14 years old, I tried to end my life by downing a whole bottle of antidepressants. I dropped out of high school and was ‘promiscuous’ at every opportunity. The bullying was relentless. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and cry. When I went to the doctor to get my weight checked, she looked at me with disgust. ‘How did you get so big? Why are you so overweight? Your body is mostly fat!’ I was speechless. I couldn’t even look her in the eye.”
‘Why are you so hateful to yourself?’ ‘Oh, hell,’ I muttered before folding over in sobs. He wasn’t wrong. I am my own worst bully. The things I say to myself are plain awful.’
“Your daughter walks out the door with her prom date. What is on your mind as the two stroll hand in hand, down the sidewalk to the car? ‘Car crash.’ We respond, almost in unison. ‘Death.’ A little creepy, I admit.”
‘My sweet baby, my firstborn son, is homeless, mentally ill and addicted to heroin.’: Grieving mom urges others to break the stigma around addiction, ‘Don’t let us suffer alone’
“It had been 4 months since we’d had any contact. I hear someone calling my name. It’s my son! It’s a miracle. I hugged my sickly thin boy and told him, ‘I love you.’ I didn’t want to let go. I offered to buy him a meal. Our interaction was less than 10 minutes long. I left him there.”
‘Our son screamed like he was being tortured at school. Teachers, parents, and students stood, jaws agape, staring in complete shock, assuming the worst. We felt completely isolated.’
“There were red flags when he was only 18 months old. Many doctors, because of his age, wouldn’t even see us. When meltdowns occur, we feel embarrassed and panicked. Everyone either tries to help in ways that usually make things worse, or just stare without a clue how to help.”
‘Don’t get offended, babe. I just know you love that sort of stuff.’ My husband’s mortifying statement has haunted me for 12 hours.’: Wife hilariously wonders how to get through to ‘walking potatoes’
“I think I could feel myself elevate 3 inches off the ground while I came to terms with what he just said to me. If you’re a ‘Dave’ and you’re reading this, put down your phone, flush the toilet, and ask your partner if there’s something you can do to help.”