“Dear Old Me,
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt your presence.
I can’t pinpoint when it started happening but I feel like I lose more of you every day.
The only thing I recognize daily is the adult acne that is apparently with us for life (sorry, I’ve tried everything).
The anxiety I’ve carried around for a long time that despite being able to control, I have never been able to get to f-off completely.
When I think about you, I miss you terribly.
I miss the way you used to be genuinely happy most of the time.
I miss how fun you used to be.
The way you would dance down grocery store isles if a good song came on no matter who was watching.
The way you would sing so loud in the car your throat would hurt, not to mention the moves that came along with it.
I miss the way you laughed all the time.
Your sense of humor was top notch and you could make others laugh just as much as you did.
I miss dancing on tables until they fell over and the karaoke that you would start anytime there was a mic around even if there wasn’t actually karaoke going on at the time.
But although I miss you, there are a lot of things I don’t miss.
I don’t miss how mean alcohol made you sometimes.
I don’t miss your judgment of others for absolutely no reason.
I don’t miss how you hated your body so much it became an obsession.
And lastly, I don’t miss the way you never felt good enough for whoever you were with because you weren’t treated the way you deserved to be treated.
I might not know who you are anymore and even though it makes me sad, I’m very proud of the growth that has happened over the years.
The compassion I have for others is so overwhelming at times that I can feel a sense of what they might actually be feeling.
The strength I now have has been the result of too many awful experiences that have given me the tools to cope.
The resilience is from being given no choice but to fight.
Self-love is from realizing what truly matters in this life and knowing my worth.
Life is full of changes and I hope one day I can feel some of the happiness you used to bring me, but until then, I will continue to grow and be/do better.
For myself, my daughter, and for my family.
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Amanda Burritt of British Columbia, Canada. You can follow her journey on Instagram and Facebook. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
Read more from Amanda here:
‘The diagnosis was so out of left field we were not only fighting for our child’s life, but our relationship.’: Special needs parent opens up about high divorce rate, ‘This should be addressed more often’
Do you know someone who could benefit from reading this? SHARE this story on Facebook with family and friends.