‘I asked her how I was going to explain to everyone that I had lied, and that she never really died. I didn’t care because she was here again with me, and that’s all that really mattered.’

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“Last night I saw my Mom, our meeting was brief.

I told her about all the things she’s missed, all the ways we’ve loved her down here since she’s been gone.

She was so real, she didn’t have cancer or a bald head, she didn’t look sick or seem to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders, she was just my Mom. The Mom I knew before all those other messy things came around and took her away.

I could see her, I could feel her, I could breathe this big sigh of relief because my heart tricked my mind and it was as if she was never really gone. As if somehow this had all been a nightmare and she never really left.

I asked her how I was going to explain to everyone that I had lied and that she never really died. I didn’t care because she was here again with me and that’s all that really mattered.

I wish I was making this post today and telling you that I am the world’s biggest liar, that my Mom is still here, that she never died and that cancer never came into our lives and took her from me and the life she dreamed of living much too soon.

But that isn’t the case and that won’t be the post I get to write ever because she did leave us, cancer did take her and me meeting her was all a dream because that’s the only way I get to see my Mom these days.

Some days grief just sucks you guys. It sucks the wind right out of your sails and takes you two steps back.

Some days you wake up after those dreams and you realize the heartbreak of not having them here all over again.

So today I’ll face the reality that she is still gone, that I was robbed of time with her and I’ll let my grief be what it is today and I’ll remember that tomorrow is a new day.”

Nikki Pennington

This story was written by Nikki Pennington of Grief To Hope with Nikki Pennington. The article originally appeared here. Follow her on Instagram here and Twitter here.  Can you relate to this grief journey? We’d like to hear your story. Submit your story here, and subscribe to our best love stories here.

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