‘Dinner is cooked when he gets home. I fix his plate, then mine. No, I don’t live in the dark ages.’: Woman claims ‘I show love through actions’

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“Apparently, there is a hot topic out there on whether women should ‘serve’ their husbands. Do you fix his plate for him? Make his meals? And so on…

Here is my take on it.

I met my husband in April of 2012. We were married by December of the same year. Every morning I get up with him; fix his lunch for work; get his coffee just right; and gather up his keys, wallet, work badge, and phone to put next to his lunch bag. Most evenings I have dinner cooked when he comes home. I fix his plate, then mine, and we sit to eat.

Do I have to? No. Do I WANT to? Absolutely.

For me, serving him is an extension of my love for him. I don’t have to work. I get to stay home, raise our son, and do the SAHM (stay-at-home mom) things. I clean the house, do laundry, cook meals, run errands, manage our budget, and do all the things we SAHM’s do to manage our household.

Do I have to? No.

Do I want to? Absolutely.

He honestly couldn’t care less if I sat and did nothing. I have that right if I wanted. I have MS and have had three major back surgeries. I am physically disabled. I have the right to do nothing, and he wouldn’t object.

But you see, I ADORE my husband — my life mate, the love of my life. And anything I can do to make his life easier, I will. He works hard so we can provide our autistic son with the best therapies. He works hard so I can stay home. He works hard so we can do fun vacations, hire a live-in nanny, drive nice cars, and even prepare to move to a new city this summer — with a nicer house — just so our son can go to a new school, fit for him.

I hear people say, ‘My husband can fix his own plate.’ So can mine.

‘My husband can get himself dressed and ready.’ So can mine.

‘My husband can do this or that on his own.’ So can mine.

I get the majority of women work and then come home to do what I have all day to do. I am up at 6:45 a.m. and don’t sit down to relax till after 7 p.m. But I love it. And I love him.

So no, I don’t live in the dark ages. I was just taught to show love through actions, not just intimacy. Marriage is a partnership, with each person giving and taking. For me, doing things for my husband means we get to have dinner sooner so we can relax together sooner. We get to have more time together in the evenings. We get stress free weekends so he can actually relax.

On those occasional crazier weeks, he helps me clean, fold laundry, take out the trash, and do the ‘wifely’ things. But he does it out of love too.

I know every morning he can get dressed and head to work not feeling rushed from getting all his stuff together. He goes with a hot thermos of coffee, extra energy-packed foods to fuel his day, cash to spend on frivolous stuff like vending machine soda or a snack, and driving his pride and joy, his new car.

Together we make our household less stressful. Together we make our house a home. Together we raise our son to be a mighty force.

Yes, you can make your husband do his stuff alone. And that is your choice. No one makes me do anything for my husband. I do it because it is an extension of my love. I do it because I WANT to. I do it because anything that makes his day a little easier brings me joy. And I do it because without him, I would be facing MS alone and struggling.

Marriage is an investment to each other. I invest my time and activity into providing for him the way he provides for us. I did it when I worked, too. Not everyone gets to stay home. Not everyone wants to stay home. And not everyone is willing to serve their spouse.

But if we have the mindset of catering to our spouses, then the love is missing. Instead, I call it loving my spouse. And by doing so, I show him every day the love and gratitude I have for his hard work. ‘Serving’ him is the least I can do for all he does for me. It isn’t an extra chore. Yes, he can do it himself. But why not help him? Is it doing me any harm? People who see it as ‘I don’t have to help my spouse’ miss out, in my opinion. When I help make his life easier, I get the joy of knowing he appreciates it. The return on ‘giving’ far exceeds any material possession. And our marriage is amazing for it.”

Courtesy Tonya Heath

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Tonya Heath. Submit your own story here, and subscribe to our best stories in our free newsletter here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read Tonya’s full back story here:

‘I have a live-in nanny and I’m a SAHM. People enjoy bashing that. I can be in bed by 8′: Stay-at-home mom of autistic child says, ‘I have MS but MS does not have me’

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