“‘Mom, dad. I’d like you to meet my boyfriend…and my girlfriend.’ ‘WHAT?’ I can’t lie. It took my parents some getting used to.
Hello. My name is Meagan and I am one-third of a polyamorous relationship. Polygamy. A throuple. A triad. A trio. Non-monogamy. Whatever you want to call it. There are surprisingly a lot of terms to describe something that not many people accept, much less understand.
I first noticed I was a bit ‘different’ when I was in 9th grade, coming of age as they say. At family parties and on holidays, distant relates would always prod at me. ‘When are you getting married, Meagan?! You’re up next, you know!’ I laughed, nervously. But for me, marriage never seemed like the right path. The idea of being bound to one person just simply never appealed to me. In my head, I imagined myself 72 with 12 cats and counting. But then Ryan happened.
I met Ryan in my junior year of high school. He was charming, funny, and kind in every sense of the word. Not long after, he introduced me to his friend Rachel. We hit it off immediately and it became common for the three of us to hang out. It happened very organically, and we simply never felt like there was a third wheel.
About 3 months in, Ryan had a confession to make. I remember feeling a pang in my heart, thinking, ‘What could it be?’ I thought he wanted to breakup with me. Turns out, I was far off! He leaned in and prefaced his words with, ‘Please don’t be mad.’ I promised, though it felt hollow given I had no clue what would follow. ‘I have a thing for Rachel. We haven’t done anything and she doesn’t know.’ Once the shock wore off, coincidentally, I had a confession to make of my own: ‘Me too.’ And the rest was history.
We learned very quickly that the three of us had room in our hearts for double the love. In all of our cases, we felt comfortable, open, and free about it. Ryan’s ‘confession’ could have gone HORRIBLY had it been someone else. But that’s just not the kind of people we are.
It’s safe to say friends and family haven’t been easy opening up to it, especially given that we’re young. ‘Confused’ and ‘naïve’ are just a few of the words tossed around. But at the end of the day, we are all happy and that’s what matters most.
What I’d like to say is this:
I know my way of life is unconventional. But that doesn’t make us less than or bad! I am a very spiritual person and have an amazing connection with God. I can assure you, I am no sinner. It urks me when others think I’m being a ‘bad Christian.’ I am not.
No, I didn’t just ‘accept’ this way of life because my partner just wanted another woman or because I wasn’t enough. We made an adult, mutual, well-thought-out, consenting decision. There was no coercion, no pressure. I didn’t enter a throuple out of fear of losing Ryan. I entered it because of my love for Ryan AND Rachel.
Some more mythbusting, ehem. Polyamory is not about intercourse; it’s not a kink. It doesn’t come about because one partner isn’t content with a behaving intimately with just one individual. It’s about the heart, and the heart wants what it wants. Why put a fence around love? Mine is boundless. And if everyone is happy and consenting, then I see no wrong.
There are things in life you simply cannot change. The sun will rise in the morning. The wind will blow. There’s money to be made, mouths to feed. You can’t change this. And you can’t change someone with a big heart! My life may be different, strange, and weird to some, but at the end of the day remember that we are all humans just living our lives. I live, I laugh, and I love hard. I lead my life with kindness, compassion, and understanding. And being a wife or girlfriend to solely one person will never change that. I’d rather be happy and kind in a throuple, than mean and unhappy in a couple any day.”
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