Firstly I want to acknowledge the man you are. I want you to know that you are a good dad, and that I am giving you a written compliment sandwich right now because there’s a storm in the middle of that sandwich and I need you to take a bite.
You asked me today if I was okay and I lied and I said, ‘I’m fine’ but the truth is I’m tired. No, I am exhausted.
You’re probably wondering where that girl went that you married, and under her matted bun hair, tired eyes and cowbell cheese stained clothes, she’s there. You probably miss her, and I do too, that’s why I need you to understand what I’m about to say.
Being alone with two kids sometimes makes me feel like smoking a thousand cigarettes. It’s not that I don’t love it, oh I love it and I LOVE them, but when you’re holding your own pee in so tightly you could crush a coconut between your legs whilst a baby is screaming murder and a toddler is rubbing medicated cream all over the walls… it’s a little difficult to feel like 6 p.m can’t come quick enough for you to walk through the door so I can hand that baby over to you.
You got your hobbies, you got your work buddies, you got your lunch break and you’re appreciated… you got Sarah the receptionist who asks you how your weekend is, and the only adult conversation I’ve got is all the different Wiggles characters telling me to toot toot chugga chugga, and all I can cling to is the beauty of nap time.
Being cooped up inside is a lot to handle sometimes.
I’m not watching Bold and the Beautiful eating chocolates, I’m cleaning poopy butts, negotiating with miniature dictators, with Peppa the Pig in the background eating discarded sandwich crusts over the sink.
I’m feeling a little isolated, a little unfulfilled some days, a little stressed some days so I need you to get it. I just want half the worry some days. I want half the exhaustion. I want you to give me one hour after you get home to gather my shi*t together so I can emerge being Mary Poppins with a spoonful of sugar again, and while you’re at it, encourage me to go out and have some wine, or encourage me to go sit in the bathtub that you filled up so lovingly for me with incense and rose petals and rosé, because you know, I deserve it.
I know without you we wouldn’t have the things we do, but without me you wouldn’t have this family who loves you so, so I guess in the grand scheme of things I win…
I love you, you do your best, and you’re bloody awesome and I appreciate you. I promise if you do the above things, I’ll become that girl again that you married, I might even have enough energy to make it worth your while, if you know what I mean… and so you nor I, will have to miss the girl you married anymore. The showered clean version.
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