Rebecca Balfe is a former editor for Love What Matters. She resides in NYC, owning and rescuing adorable cats. She is an avid Lupus fighter and advocate.
‘I was extremely nervous to tell her. Without missing a beat she replied, ‘That doesn’t change anything for me. I want to be with you.’
“I was so afraid of being found out and hospitalized, I hid my feelings. After a half hour of awkward stuttering, I finally spit it out by saying I understood if she didn’t want to continue this relationship.”
‘At 12 years old, symptoms began to manifest. I had joint pain in my knees and mouth sores on my gums. Food gave me belly aches. Aside from winter colds, I never was sick.’
“My parents were concerned. I had lost weight and they could see changes in me. I was 13 now, in the hospital to stabilize my 80-pound body. My parents were frustrated I followed ‘the rules.’ ‘If I thought the day of my diagnosis was life-shattering, this day would change the whole trajectory of how I lived my life.”
‘It was a miracle. I was in my 40s! I completely doubted my chances of getting pregnant. We found out it was triplets. We couldn’t believe it.’
“We decided to try for children on our own ONE final time. They gave me the choice to terminate one of my babies, or risk losing the twins. But we felt we were given a third baby for a reason, so we decided to take our chances.”
‘The ER doctor came in. ‘This is normal. It’s what happens when you are pregnant. It’s called morning sickness.’ I felt so stupid for coming, but I KNEW it was more than that.’
“I had to leave work early, or run to the bathroom throwing up so much I felt like passing out. Friends would say, ’But you sit at a desk for work, it should be easy for you.’ ‘You can’t complain. You should have just gotten your tubes tied a long time ago.'”
‘I didn’t feel like a 20 year old. My doctors didn’t know how to help me. Their best advice was for me to ‘just get pregnant.’
“I was always told that period pain was ‘normal’ and that I just have a low tolerance to pain. I once had a doctor tell me, ‘I don’t think you are in that much pain, I think you are looking for attention.”
‘People told me to get a second opinion because there was ‘no way’ I could be diabetic. I wasn’t ‘fat’ enough and I didn’t eat enough sugar, so the doctor HAD to be wrong.’: Girl finds out she has Type 1 diabetes after years of feeling sick
“After telling them all my symptoms, they put me on hold. When they picked back up, their voice seemed urgent. ‘Go to University Health Services as soon as they open in the morning. Don’t wait for an appointment. Don’t eat or drink anything for the rest of the night.”
‘This is it Kassandra, you’re going to die, so let go. I hope everyone knows I love them.’ No more than a second later, I said to myself, ‘It’s okay, don’t be afraid. There’s nothing you can do.’
“Candice started smacking my face and yelling my name to get me to respond.”
‘I wore red lipstick during my mastectomy. The nurses joked I looked ‘too good’ for somebody having surgery. I had a huge party the night before. I bought a wig to look like Britney Spears!’
“We can all become overwhelmed with the negativity in the world. From my experience during cancer I can tell you there is so much good. My support even came from strangers.”
‘I can tell by the tears in your eyes no one has believed you, have they?,’ he asked. ‘No, they haven’t.’ He then replied, ‘Well I believe you.’ I had felt like a crazy person.’
“This man was 11 years older than me. We ended up getting married. I felt pressured into this marriage, as if I had no other option. So I did. He had dark secrets. I remember screaming for help. But no one would.”
‘I went into anaphylactic shock and had to be given adrenaline to keep me from dying. My body turned red and I started to pass out. She had to speak to me through the doorway.’
“There was something wrong with my body. I was told my illness was all in my head. Was I really crazy? Something deep down inside of me knew I wasn’t.”