‘Before I had my son, I had a positive pregnancy test. But then I got my period. It was heavy and painful and not when it was due. I was so confused.’

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“Before I had my son Luca, I had a positive pregnancy test. I sent it to my husband, and we were both excited. But then I got my period. It was heavy and painful and not when it was due. I was so confused because I thought it just meant I was wrong. I told no one. I still to this day, till this moment, haven’t mentioned it to anyone because I was still confused. So, this is me being open about it.

Today is miscarriage and infant awareness day, and I think it’s important to remember.

For the mothers who have lost a baby, this is for you:

You can never unknow what it feels like to have lost a baby. Even a tiny little dot inside you. You can never unfeel what it’s like to feel the joy of two lines on a test, but feel the suffocating feeling, the confusion in your chest when the joy is quickly taken away.

No book or no amount of unsolicited advice can prepare you for parenthood, but none can ever prepare you for losing a baby.

For that split second of imagining that baby in your arms, the future of being a parent to that child, the colors of their eyes or the curls in their hair. To being left confused.

Your grief consumes you, but you are forced to experience every day like it didn’t happen, because so many people don’t understand, even though the pain is so strong it makes you unable to stand… but yet you stand alone in your sorrow.

You’re allowed to hate the comments that tell you this was meant to be, and you’re allowed to grieve for your baby.

You’re allowed to feel pain when you see other people conceive and announce it.

You’re allowed to grieve and cry and scream if you want to.

You can feel angry and frustrated, it’s okay.

There was and is nothing wrong with you.

This day is for you. We remember all the babies and we acknowledge all the babies you are a mother to.

You are, and you will always be, a mother to all your babies.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laura Mazza of Mum on the Run, where it originally appeared. Submit your story here, and subscribe to our best love stories here.

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