“I have a toddler at home who I will not be able to take to get his picture with Santa. I will not be able to take him to see all the pretty Christmas lights. I sat in the shower and let the water run down my body as I cried. Then demons creep in. ‘It was boring getting high at home, taking care of a toddler all day. It would be fun to stay at a motel and just get high. I just want to do it ONE MORE TIME.’ I’m riddled with guilt. I’m so ashamed.”
“Brother is crying. I get mad. I yell. Sister is crying now. The sneakers I tripped over at bedtime have somehow separated and one is completely gone. Vaporized! EFFFFF!!!! We are now 10 minutes late. ‘Why is this room like this?!’ I yell at the top of my lungs. I carry this anger for the rest of the day.”
“The moment I saw him, I instantly fell for his trap. My eyes met his, and I was immediately hooked. My friend leaned over and told me his name. ‘He’s a cop. He’s well known around here.’ He said they called him the ‘King.’ All hail the King. Our hands met, then our lips, we were inseparable from that night on. His neighbors warned me. They told me to run.”
“As I walked in the house from an epic Target Christmas run, my 6-year-old nearly tackled me. ‘Did you get me anything?,’ she screamed with excitement. ‘I really want it now! I’ve been so good today!’ I gently reminded her she loves surprises. ‘Please mama! I can’t wait anymore.’ I whispered, ‘Trust me. It will be so much better on Christmas. You will be so glad you waited!’”
“‘We can no longer detect the fetal heart rate.’ He couldn’t discuss the loss with anybody. After the months of unsaid words came out, we started discussing having a baby of our own. He was hesitant. He didn’t want me to go through the same pain. After the positive pregnancy test, we were both overjoyed and terrified.”
“Stay in tune with your stress levels and monitor your emotions.”
“We received a call from a very desperate young man named Jonathan. ‘My wife is not properly caring for our 4-month-old son.’ He very was concerned about the welfare of his baby and convinced his wife to allow us to help. My husband and I are 47-years-old, we are sometimes mistaken as the grandparents. We know we probably won’t have an empty nest and that’s just fine with us.”
“He said, ‘I made you a mother and nobody else would ever marry you.’ He spit on my face. I worried about how others saw divorce. I looked at my life and my innocent girls who didn’t deserve the hand I dealt them, and suddenly I saw the reality of our situation. I chose to JUMP! My daughters were better off with a divorced, living mother, than a dead, married one.”
“My own self-worth was now completely dependent on how well I was doing in school. I turned to binge drinking and partying on the weekends to cope with the immense pressure I felt throughout the week. I did not know how to express my pain or ask for help, I only knew to bottle things up and press on, and so I did. I felt dead inside already, I’d hit my rock bottom. I decided I was going to get serious help.”
“I kissed, hugged and squeezed him, laughing and crying, in shock. The crazy thing about it is that even though our marriage was always hard – he was abusive and constantly tormented by his own mind – I loved him. I still do.”
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