“I posted our most recent family photos, and the comments poured in about how ‘perfect’ my family was. I knew things needed to change. I didn’t want people to just like my photos, I wanted them to like me, all of me—even the painful, grieving parts. I am a child who was abused by her father at 3 years old. A teenager who was the victim of statutory rape. I found my husband unresponsive on the floor with a failing heart.”
“I grabbed a nurse’s arm as she walked by. ‘What’s wrong, is she okay?’ Stumbling over her words, she responded with, ‘Congratulations, she’s beautiful!’ Coward. She handed her to me before quickly walking out of the room, like she was some kind of damaged goods. Her tongue could barely fit in her mouth. I didn’t want to hold her, feed her, or even look at her. I was furious. All I could hear was that damn whispering.”
“3 weeks after getting engaged, I was T-boned by a Mac truck. ‘If this continues, we’ll lose her.’ He lost it. As he entered the room, he noticed my engagement ring had been removed. I was covered with tubes. He expected to recognize me. He didn’t. He held my hand and told me I was beautiful. ‘I want to marry you today more than I did the day I proposed,’ he told me.”
“I believed he truly wanted to become a changed man. Boy was I wrong. Maybe I WAS just a useless, unwanted female, maybe this was as good as my life was going to get. I, of course, believed him. ‘Your time to shine and blossom WILL come, have patience.”
“I met and started dating my husband at 16. I was infatuated with this boy I met at the mall, with Justin Bieber hair. ‘You’re 16. It won’t last forever.’ ‘Be prepared to do this on your own. Babies are hard on couples, especially so young.’ ‘We’re very happy for you, but do you think this is a good idea? To get married? You’re too young.’ Whether you’re 15, or 50, when you meet the love of your life, you will know right away. I’m so glad I didn’t listen.”
“I just found this picture behind another photo in a frame and I’ve unearthed a memory. I see young me, about 3 weeks into my mom journey. I couldn’t possibly have known. And I’m glad I didn’t.”
“Christmas? Forget it. It’s not for me. I like the quiet. For a girl like me, holidays are overwhelming. But my mom loves to decorate. She puts up 5 Christmas trees. She goes all out. She begged me to go outside with her to look at them. I didn’t want to. I couldn’t care less. Just then it hit me. She cares. It’s important to her.”
“It was the inability to say no when he wanted to have sex (I was his wife, it was my job to take care of his needs whenever he wanted). He would attack me mentally, insist I was crazy, cause panic attacks so bad I would spend hours unable to do anything but hug the toilet.”
“I was so drugged and drained physically my milk didn’t come in for days. My husband said, ‘As long as our baby is healthy and happy everything else doesn’t matter.’ But I didn’t feel the same. I was hopeless. We’d get the pre-made formula so we didn’t have to do any mixing when we left the house and no one would know. It was so stressful.”
“4 days after Christmas, it was a beautiful sunny day. ‘I want to ride the trails,’ my husband said. ‘Are you sure you don’t want to go?’ It got dark. By 5:30, I was encouraged to call 911. ‘My husband hasn’t returned,’ I told the dispatcher. Panic filled my soul. ‘Finding him is not our priority,’ I was told. I called my kids, who were forced to locate their dad on foot. I’ll never forget their faces. As I walked toward the trail, my son begged me not to get any closer.”
