“After being diagnosed with pneumonia, she was about to be discharged from the hospital when one of the nurses noticed her oxygen levels dropping rapidly. They immediately put her on a ventilator and discovered her lungs were filled with blood. Her face turned blue. She grasped the bed handles, waiting for it to stop.”
“I tried to make a big deal out of Christmas in a very middle-American-ignorant-white-girl kind of way. ‘Let’s decorate the tree! Let’s make Christmas cookies! Kids need presents!’ To my WASPY surprise, this wasn’t well received. Confused, I asked him about it. ‘Is this another one of my white girl questions you guys tease me about?’”
“‘Are you using drugs again?,’ one of my professors asked me. I am a recovering drug addict, who lost 115 pounds and changed my entire life. I had a girl assume I was sick, a close friend expressed to me that I ‘took the easy way out.’ The smaller I got, the more attention I got, the more confused I was. I had sex for the first time after my dad died with a guy who blocked my number the day after he took my virginity. I wanted to stop hating myself, I wanted to be genuinely happy.”
“Someone judged me for not being at the same job for years like they have been. Another judged me for not getting a 4-year degree when I was supposed to, before 25. I’ve been judged for being overweight. They made me feel so pathetic that I couldn’t find one reason to like myself. I didn’t meet that person’s standards, let alone the world’s standards.”
“Whenever I feel anxious, I feel the urge to micromanage my family. Whenever I feel a sense of uncertainty, I feel the need to force things. I’m letting go. I’m not holding on. I’m enjoying this ride no matter what direction it takes me or how long it lasts.”
“Today, my son crawled onto my lap and started whining. I told him to use his words. At that exact moment, I realized I haven’t been using mine. This week, I forgot to ask him if he was okay. Instead, I yelled, was less patient. I said ‘I can’t play, mommy’s busy!’ a lot. So, I made him feel special. His smile was instant.”
“I found an unexpected emotion creeping in, sadness. Sadness that I was not going to be having a baby with a partner. It’s a weird feeling to be celebrating a dream come true while also mourning the loss of another.”
“There are days I’m so tired and weak I can’t help but cry. I carry a lot of weight for my kid, in support of who he is now. ‘We have something super awkward to talk about.’ ‘Okay, what is it?’ ‘I know you’re in middle school now. Sometimes sex is a thing with kids that age. But I’m worried about it, and want you to wait. I don’t want you to experience sex for the first time as the wrong gender and have it hurt you.’ He’s dealing with a lot. Much more than I ever did as a 12-year-old.”
“‘How’s your son? Is he finally that TV star?’ Her question stopped me dead in my tracks. I left with tears in my eyes. He’s been missing for 2 years.”
“I’m thankful for every time you rub my back until I fall asleep at night. For every time our kids’ eyes light up when you walk through the door. The way you protect and provide for our family. Thank you for every giggle, every touch, every heart emoji you send. For everything that makes me feel safe in a world full of worries. I thank God for you every day.”
