“I had offered to help my then-boyfriend unpack boxes for his new home. Knowing I was still sensitive to items from the life he had before me, I offered to unpack the living room. I came across something which stopped me in my tracks. I immediately felt sick to my stomach. ‘Am I as pretty as she is?’ I began to feel extremely insecure.”
“Christmas, when I was 5-years-old. I remember in the back stood a box approximately 3-foot-tall with MY name on it. Of course, my brother couldn’t help but tease me there is only a small gift inside, and the big box was just a trick. But I knew.”
“A miracle came just days before he passed away. At just 20 months old, our son had only verbalized one word. Dog. Yet, he responded to my wife and I as we laid over his crib, tears falling from our cheeks, expressing our love for him. With absolute perfect clarity, our little boy looked up at us. I held him for the last time. I crave his smile. I miss seeing his eyes light up.”
“Ty threw his hands over his ears and started to rock back and forth, moaning. I shot up quickly. This was the start of a meltdown. I tried to get my son to his feet, but it was too late. Ty slid off the bench and onto the ground. I fell beside him, my heart aching. My son never cries, yet here he was, sobbing in front of his dream: the train.”
“I collapsed. I wept before our 3 children. Rebuilding myself like a child, I called my mother in the evening. I told her I was confused and utterly broken. Aged 24, I needed her comfort again. ‘Your father and I love you no matter what happens,’ she said, and my fitful breath slowed. Being a human male, I’m very good at pretending I have things under control. It took a desperate sense of weakness, therefore, to call her.”
“I needed to go in for surgery. This terrified me. I thought I could handle the pain – I was wrong. I was in the bathtub. Tears flood my eyes. My daughter sat next to the tub, sharing blue raspberry Jell-O. ‘Do you need to take a bath? I can eat Jell-O with you.’ She is the most caring, sweet, and loving 3-year-old. Finally, it was announced we had a girl, her cord was cut, and she was laid on my chest. I was still sure something bad was going to happen.”
“She was all nervous and excited, waiting for him to text her. I found myself feeling jealous. I came home to my kids not listening, my kitchen a mess, and my husband complaining, ‘I thought you’d be back 20 minutes ago?’ I rolled my eyes at him and sat on the bed with laundry piles all around me. I sat there thinking, ‘I miss those first dates.'”
“Audrey grabbed the hem of the dress and was shaking her head, ‘I no want it.’ Shocked, I questioned, ‘What do you mean you don’t want it? Of course you want this! It’s adorable!’ It was a corduroy dress with a collar and hot pink trim, what’s not to love? I am Southern, after all. ‘I no want it.’ I took a deep breath, and a step back.”
“Those two names caught me off guard. Her brother and sister passed away within 2 months of birth. Tears instantly formed in my eyes. There is no handbook for how to survive the death of a child.”
“‘You’re boring. Stop trying to change me.’ I broke up with him. Then I found out I was pregnant. Baby was born by emergency c-section. I thought I was going to die. As soon as I got home, I couldn’t wait to get drunk again. My son was 10 weeks old, it was my birthday, I celebrated HARD. I couldn’t move the next day, couldn’t even change his diaper, so sick. Maternity leave became wine o’clock. I’d count down the hours to 5 p.m. I was now a grown-up drinker, a mom. Wine to relax with my baby, that’s normal, right?”
