‘Do they know you have a wife?’ She said, ‘H*ll no. She knows I have kids, though.’: Wife accidentally outs spouse, worries for the judgment to come, ‘I hope one day it won’t matter who we love’

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“I outed my wife today.

Less than an hour ago, while emailing with a client, I outed her without realizing I did it. And then, when I just talked to my wife, asking, ‘Does (so and so) know you have a wife?’ (She was giving us a contact for a doctor who could help our son, so I was unsure what details Steph had told her.) Steph said, ‘H*ll no. She knows I have kids, though.’


I outed my wife today.

And then I lied to her about it on the phone.

Now…if she goes back to check emails, she’ll see I outed her. But frankly, she doesn’t have time for this today, running from client to client, which is why I’m managing emails.

My wife is a very smart business woman. She built a business over a decade ago, one she put into overdrive in 2017, kicking *ss and taking names in a man’s field.

She has a crew of employees who have told her she is the best boss they have ever worked for.

She has a long list of impressive clients, who she has worked hard to impress.

She is a respected innovator in the field, constantly collaborating with and advising colleagues throughout New Englandparticularly about technique and how to run a successful business.

My wife is kind of a bad*ss.

Courtesy of Christina Young

But…my wife is also someone who has to make sure she wears her hair down when she goes to meet a new client. She intentionally softens her appearance, so when she meets the new client they will see her as less threatening and not question how dare she think she could run a business in this male-dominated field. Most often, she is able to ensure confidence as she talks the new client through the quote, because she is more knowledgeable than most regarding process and product.

She’ll make small talk, joke, and laugh where appropriate, always offering banter to create a relationship, which is so crucial to how her company became what it is. She is honest and authentic with each person she meets, which is why she is simply so lovable. Because she is—lovable.

But she is cautious, and always aware.

If someone asks if she has kids, she’ll share she does—because parent-to-parent, a bond can be formed. ‘Twins,’ she’ll say, ‘and a two-year-old.’ Each time, the client will inevitably say, ‘Wow, you look great for twins—or three kids!’

Listen. Ya’ll. Her body did NOT carry any of those babies. Just saying. Yes, she looks great, but come on now. Give credit where credit is due.

However, she doesn’t—or rather, can’t. Because she doesn’t know what telling the new client, ‘Well, my amazing, beautiful, talented, overachiever of a wife did—but thanks,” (because if she was honest, it’s what she’d say!) will do to the current opinion of her they are forming.

During today’s political climate, there’s even the element of lawn decorations, which gives her a hint of who exactly not to tell.

This client, which all Steph knew was they moved up from down south, had such decoration.

This client was the one when she said to me, ‘I was so scared when I pulled up, but then I met them and they were lovely,’ admitting how she hates the immediate wall she puts up in assuming who someone is because of what they support. In those moments, she too is just as biased, assuming they would think less of her if they knew she had a wife because of their political beliefs.

Yet…while with this client, she was comfortable to disclose our children have autism, which has a stigma similar to being an LGBTQ family, but only one disclosure was made.

And now…I’ve outed my wife, and lied about it to her.

I share in the hopes one day we’ll be in a world where opinions are not made based on who we love. However, here we are. Where I’m left nervous, since I outed my wife, this client may not choose to move forward with the project. I may have cost my wife, and her team, a significant project and an important business revenue. All because we love each other and have built a truly spectacular life together.

Teach your children labels are merely nothing but informative, not definitive. That humans are humans—beautifully complex—each needed for their uniqueness and the difference they bring to this world. We may not always need to agree, but we are d*mned if we do not include all disagreements to be present, respected, and heard.”

Courtesy of Christina Young

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Christina Young. You can follow their journey on Instagram and their website. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more stories from Christina here:

‘Snap out of it, Christina! This will end, they will go back to school.’: Special needs mom gives advice for stages of grief, ‘Just make it to acceptance’

‘Last night we learned of the death of a toddler his age as we watched the news. Emergency rooms aren’t filled with kids like him.’: Mom of special needs child says ‘the least I can do is keep my family out of your care’

‘We used an anonymous donor to form our family despite having additional frozen embryos we could have continued trying.’: Mom of 3 hopes ‘my boys are proud one day’

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