‘We used an anonymous donor to form our family despite having additional frozen embryos we could have continued trying.’: Mom of 3 hopes ‘my boys are proud one day’

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“Have you found that you find kindred spirits in the strangest places?

Just recently, I took on a new endeavor to try to help bring in some money during such a strange time of this pandemic. In that, I found the most amazing teammates, incredible women who are also trying to provide for their families and create opportunities for other women to do so as well. Through introducing myself and sharing my story, I found a mom who I connected with right away, as her son too has autism.

She was warm and kind, and that kind of person that if she lived on your block, you would be asking for playdates every day just so you could become best friends. She has been so supportive of the way I share our family’s story that when she asked my advice on something, I knew she would be comfortable that it inspired the following post.

As parents, particularly while our children are little, we are faced to wonder which of our bigger decisions, and the domino effect of their results, our children may have an opinion on when they come of age to form them.

There have been decisions Steph and I have made as parents that we know our children may have opinions on, from the serious to the insignificant. Some serious decisions — like that we used an anonymous donor to form our family or that we only chose to have three children despite having additional frozen embryos we could have continued trying to give them the next Partridge family with (we are pretty musical after all) — tend to keep us up at night. Smaller ones — like taking all their pictures until the age they can handle, haircuts by Momma Steph with her best skill and one or two by myself that had a little more Jim Carey feel with those awful straight bangs, or that I let Alex have two Oreos instead of one when she asks because it makes her happy, or that we were dog people and never let them have a cat (or a lizard, snake, spider, etc because that is NOT happening) — might be something they hold against us for whatever silly reason.

Truthfully, one of the hardest parts of sharing our story, isn’t just how scary it is to be vulnerable, but is actually the intentionally it takes to make the tone represent something the boys will be proud of one day. I know one day, they will hate that people know so much about them. My hope is they understand the intention behind it is to help others like us know they aren’t alone and to shed light on the magic behind the diagnosis, reminding people that no one is merely one thing or label.

Any one, little thing about us is simply that: one thing. It’s one part that makes up so much of the unique beauty we bring to the world, ever-growing and changing to be who we want and need to be.

In short, if one day my children question the decisions we made, I hope my heart is just proud to have raised children who can think for themselves and can form, defend, and believe in their opinions with enough conviction and passion that they aren’t afraid to disagree with someone they love. Maybe they’ll teach me a thing or two one day, things that will shape the person I will become because of them, as we know the decisions we make for them today shape them to be the person they will inevitably be.

I believe if we lead with love, patience, humility, and grace, making every decision with good intention, then we can simply let the pieces fall where they may and everything will be alright in the end. Good humans raise good humans. It’s as simple, and takes as much work, as that.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Christina Young. You can follow their journey on Instagram and their website. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more stories from Christina here:

‘Snap out of it, Christina! This will end, they will go back to school.’: Special needs mom gives advice for stages of grief, ‘Just make it to acceptance’

‘Last night we learned of the death of a toddler his age as we watched the news. Emergency rooms aren’t filled with kids like him.’: Mom of special needs child says ‘the least I can do is keep my family out of your care’

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