“’It still looks a little processed on the top.’
My new stylist dropped that truth bomb on me almost as soon as we went in for our welcome hug. I just started seeing him, and a big part of what he’s doing is repairing my hair from a year’s worth of only being cut with thinning shears. It had gotten pretty bad—all dry and frizzy.
It’s getting better, but we’re not fully out of the woods yet. And apparently, my monthly coloring isn’t exactly helping things get better. But I’m not ready to go grey, so…
Hearing his words stung in the moment, but I swallowed hard and moved on with our appointment.
When I got home and began unboxing my monthly home-delivered subscription hair color, that’s supposed to be ‘good’ for my hair, I thought about what he said.
He was right.
And as much as I didn’t love hearing that the top of my hair was looking rough, he really made me think. In fact, his statement made me rethink everything I have been doing for the past, well, f-o-r-e-v-e-r.
Why am I dyeing the parts of my hair that aren’t grey? Hey, Mel, why do I keep applying color (the same as my natural color) to hair that doesn’t need to be colored? Sis, I love you, but why aren’t you just coloring the parts that need to be colored?
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO YOURSELF?
So, this time, I only colored the parts that are grey. The top isn’t grey so I didn’t color it. Y’all, I may be a tad overdramatic, but I think it’s going to be life-changing. The grey gets covered and the non-grey can go on and live its natural, unprocessed, best life. Maybe it’s an overreach, but I really think it’s going to be the best thing I’ve done with my hair!
Because the truth is, deep down, I knew he was right. When I honestly took the time to look at myself in the mirror, I saw it too. But it never occurred to me to only color certain parts. (Root touch-up, anyone?! My brain often fails me.)
It took hearing something I didn’t really want to hear to make the changes I needed to make. Sometimes, we have to hear the hard truth. And I’m grateful to have people in my life willing to say it.
But here’s the thing, y’all, while it took him telling me the hard truth, I actually had to listen. Like it or not, I had to listen. I could have come home and decided I didn’t like what he said and fired him. I could have quietly decided to never go back to that salon. I had to be open to the truth—like it or not—in order to make positive life changes.
Guess what? This applies to EVERYTHING.
I read something recently that said, love does not enable bad behavior—love confronts it.
Love tells you the truth:
you made a bad decision,
you hurt my feelings,
you are enabling him,
you are being selfish,
you are in denial,
your hair looks processed.
But it’s a two-way street.
In this case, love was willing to tell me the truth about my hair. Thankfully, I was willing to listen.
To love people well, we have to tell them the hard truths. But if we want to make positive changes in our lives, we have to be willing to actually listen to them.
Be brave enough to speak the truth. Be brave and listen.
Comfort is the enemy of growth.
I promise you, surrounding yourself only with people who make you feel comfortable all the time is not a positive thing. I’ve never been more motivated to make a change as when I had a rock in my shoe. Or in this case, a really awesome stylist.
Surround yourself with people who love you well. Keep people close to you who are willing to tell you the hard truths. If you don’t have at least one person telling you the things you don’t want to hear, get new people.
Hang in there, y’all.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Melanie Forstall of Baton Rouge, Louisiana. You can follow her journey on Instagram here and Facebook here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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