“We are two humans who live under the same roof and have expectations and needs that are not always met. Why? Because it is impossible to meet your partner’s every need and fulfill all of their desires. We are imperfect creatures, and we must show each other grace through the struggles.
The last argument we had was over grocery shopping, but it was so much more than that. See, what happened was my husband volunteered to go to the store, I gave him a list, and he went while I was still working. Now, I know you’re wondering how a fight could happen after he offered to do a chore. Well, here is how the rest of the evening went.
I get home around the same time he does, and literally nothing from the list I gave him was in the bags from the store. Not a damn thing. However, there was pre-seasoned chicken (which I don’t eat), three bags of frozen green beans (which I don’t eat), bow-tie pasta noodles (why?!), and other odds and ends my husband wanted. See the issue here? So while complaining about the issue at hand, he of course defended himself, which in turn enraged me. What was a simple chore had spiraled into an all out yelling match.
See, it wasn’t about the groceries at all, really. It was about the fact I felt unheard. All the things I requested from the store were things to make dinner that night. So when my husband came home without them, there was nothing to cook except green beans and noodles.
I love my husband with my whole heart, and I would do anything in this world for him. But dammit, that boy has a hard time thinking of others sometimes. I don’t mean that he is selfish and hateful, but he is flustered easily and tends to forget there is someone else whose needs are important. Of course, I have my faults as well, and I talk about them a lot. But I’m talking about my husband’s tonight.
I do not ask him to read my mind. I am very black-and-white about my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I am just overlooked for other things. I know I have an amazing man I am lucky to call my husband. There are much worse things that could be happening. He doesn’t drink, he doesn’t cuss at me, he doesn’t beat me, cheat on me, or yell that often. He is a good man. But just because he doesn’t do any of the really bad things, it isn’t an excuse for the little things he misses.
I feel like we try to put our best selves on social media and I think that is best for places like Instagram and Facebook. My marriage is not even close to perfect. There are times where I ask myself, ‘What the hell were you thinking?’ I know my husband does too. We got married when I was twenty years old — I couldn’t even drink legally yet! Now I am twenty-four, and we have grown so much together and still have a long way to go.
Marriage isn’t always two people who are on the same team; sometimes he is USC and I am Clemson. We are not always on the same page, and we do not always like each other. But we made a vow to make this work, and that is what we are doing. Our biggest fear is to be a statistic. We have done very well for ourselves for as young as we are, and have surpassed all expectations. I am not saying the fear of what people think is a reason to stay married, but I would be lying if I said it wasn’t something we talk about (what people think).
At the end of the day, whether you are married, living together, divorced and have children, or starting a new relationship, here are somethings to remember:
No one person has all of the answers.
Do not expect someone to read your mind.
What they do not know is a problem they cannot fix.
It isn’t a pissing match to see who is ‘right.’
You are allowed to be mad at your S.O.
Show. Each. Other. Grace!”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Harley Murphy. You can follow her journey on Instagram and her blog. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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