“I was young, beautiful, healthy…. until I wasn’t. At 28 years old I was doing well for myself. I was a single mother to a beautiful 7-year-old daughter. Her father and I were no longer a couple, but we parented exceptionally well together. He was awesome, an amazing father. We just didn’t fare well as a couple. But we killed it at parenting. I had an awesome job that I loved. Then one day, my ex-boyfriend walked back into my life and I just knew it was meant to be.
He didn’t look the same though, his big and strong build had dwindled down to a scrawny man. He was still so very attractive in my eyes, but I could tell there was something wrong. I went for it anyway and that turned out to be a decision I will not soon forget. It turns out that he wasn’t just selling cocaine, but he was doing far more than he was selling.
It didn’t take long after we reconnected for me to become pregnant, with not one but TWO babies. Throughout my pregnancy I noticed money was coming up missing, it started with change from my change purse and soon graduated to my entire paychecks from my checking account.
I made it through my pregnancy and my boys were born healthy and happy. I had a C-section due to my first born being a cesarean. What comes with a major surgery? Well, pain meds do. The day after we came home from the hospital, I went for a pain pill and low and behold they were gone. ALL OF THEM! I was excessively angry.
He told me to calm down as he could get me some more. At that time, I had no idea you could even buy those on the street, I dabbled in drugs but never pain meds. I let him get me some more because I actually really needed them. Unfortunately, he continued to get me more and more.
After the Percocet didn’t help anymore, we began to buy OxyContin, which was absolutely amazing, or so I thought. We had a friend that would regularly try to talk us into heroin due to the price being so much cheaper than the OxyContin. One weekend both of us thought it would be a good idea and we went for it. Never to buy another OxyContin. So, we began snorting heroin daily.
I remember the day I realized I was an addict. It wasn’t long after the beginning. Anyway, I found needles in the garage and every time I questioned him, he denied it. Until one day, I walked in on him with a needle in his arm. We argued but he made sure to let me know I was no better than him as he proceeded to call me names such as ‘C*nt’, ‘trash’, ‘whore’… you name it… that is what I was.
I figured I would ask him to shoot me up one night just to see if he’d do it. Well… he did. I never snorted heroin again. This went on for a total of 6 years. In the midst of those 6 years, I asked my mom to keep my oldest because she was old enough to know what was going on and I didn’t want her to see the verbal, physical or mental abuse I endured daily. Of course, my mom obliged.
It got so bad with track marks all over my body. My twins were getting older, they started kindergarten. It was a snow day, so we had to take them with us on the two-hour drive to Columbus to cop our dope. While shooting up in a McDonald’s parking lot we got arrested. Both boys watching mom get handcuffed and placed in one car as the same happens to Dad and placed in another car.
My mom came to get my boys, I went to the Franklin county jail. I sat there for 6 days, dope sick. I thought so much while I was there, I had plenty of time to do so. I vowed to stay clean once I got out. And I have. That was January 27, 2009. Since then I went to school, I graduated, I am now a registered nurse. I work proudly in an emergency room and am blessed to be allowed to tell my story to anyone who may need to hear it. Which is a lot when you choose the profession I have chosen.
I missed so many events in this short story. I will say that I talked to my mom about getting my daughter back and we agreed that if I stayed clean for 6 months that I could have her back. In July if 2009, my 12-year-old daughter came home to her mama. As for the boyfriend… he became my husband in 2010 and you would think we made it through the worst of times and only the best lie ahead. Unfortunately, he found another woman, which is what he does. We are currently in the middle of a divorce, but he is very much alive and as far as I know he is still clean to this very day. As am I.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Sue McKibben. Submit your story here. For our best love stories, subscribe to our free email newsletter.
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