‘I totally biffed my first kindergarten car line drop off. Everything was going great, initially.’: Dad hilariously recounts running over traffic cone, ‘disaster’ of dad duties

(From my husband, y’all. I AM DEAD!)

“So, I need some advice:

I totally biffed my first kindergarten car line drop off.

Everything was going great… initially.

I found the line; I executed a very precise and controlled curb pull-up.

I was sweet and charming with the designated kid picker upper teacher.

After the drop was complete, I was cool and collected with the pull-out.

And then… it. hit. the. fan.

THUMP.

I plowed over the ridiculously large orange traffic cone. The man driving in front of me as well as multiple safety patrollers began frantically yelling at me and waving me down.

I got out of the car, frazzled, stopping the whole drop off line, my bald head beet red with embarrassment.

I then proceeded to army crawl the entire length of the car trying to pry out the stupid cone (geez why didn’t I just back up?!)

When I emerged from underneath the truck with the cone, it looked like one of those end-of-the-world scenes where everyone steps out of their cars in traffic to watch the tsunami disaster ruin everything.

Except I was the disaster.

The cone looked like the crumpled Sorting Hat from Harry Potter.

I handed my shame over to the safety patroller without making eye contact, then returned to my truck.

I could literally hear everyone behind me shaking their heads.

And to make things worse, my mother-in-law was in the car.

How do I come back from this, folks?

I have the scarlet letter of carline doofus forever on my Dad record.

I guess my wife is going to have to do all of the drop offs from now on.

Oh. OH, and I just got to work where a colleague kindly pointed out that I have a black line of dirt from my forehead to neck from scraping the undercarriage of my car.

So, I guess what I’m saying is, don’t worry if your first day was a disaster, I lowered the bar.

Compared to me, you are doing great.

And I’m going to go into hiding now.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Mary Katherine Backstrom. The article originally appeared here. Follow Mary on Instagram here.  Submit your story here, and be sure to subscribe to our best love stories here.

Read more from Mary here: 

‘Some children are just born feral. If a know-it-all wants to tell you otherwise, go find them a drunk and hungry hyena. Shove it into some Doc McStuffins pull-ups and drop it off at their house.’

‘This week in preschool, my son was teased for wanting to play with a baby doll. I repeat: he was teased. By 4-YEAR-OLDS.’

‘Even when we fuss about how ‘chubby’ we look in. Even if we moan the angle isn’t good, I promise you this: We want to be seen. We want to be remembered. And it means the world to us, when you take our picture.’

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