‘Nicole, I had NO IDEA.’ I almost took my own life. I hid it so well. No one knew.’: Woman reminds us to ‘always be kind’ after battling suicide, ‘you never know the battles someone is facing’

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“A couple of years ago, you would have never caught me sharing photos that were not perfectly set up. You wouldn’t catch me talking about anything that wasn’t positive in my life. I never talked about my struggles, and I hid them so well.

My social media was filled with positive posts, and beautiful curated photos. These beautiful photos, all mostly staged.

What you didn’t see on the other side of the camera was a huge mess that I had just moved to the side so I could snap a quick photo.

You didn’t see me try to find the perfect spot in our house for ten minutes so I could get the best lighting possible.

You didn’t see me snap dozens of photos to only pick one to share, but only after I critiqued everything in it.

You didn’t see me not find one photo and then set everything up again just to try one more time.

You didn’t see me work to fake a smile in a photo.

You didn’t see me hurting.

A couple years ago, I almost took my own life.

If it had not have been for my sister calling me right before, I wouldn’t be here today. She had no idea how I felt until I broke down on the phone. She had no idea I had just wrote a letter saying goodbye to my family.

No one knew I was suffering.

I shared only the good part of my life, I highlighted only the positives, and the rest I held inside myself. In fact, I held so much in that not even my own family knew. They thought everything was beautiful and great in my life.

When I first started talking to those close to me about what I was going through, I always heard, ‘I had no idea.’

They had no idea how bad I was hurting inside, because I hid it so well. I made everything look good, and positive. No one asked me if I was doing okay, or if I needed someone to talk to. That was not their fault, they had no idea. They thought everything was amazing.

I made it look that way.

After I started to open up to more people about my depression, I started to find others close to me that were also struggling.

I had no idea. They hid it so well, and everything looked perfect.

Social media is a powerful thing. We can pick and choose what we want the world to see, and often it is only the good stuff. We don’t always share when we are hurting, struggling, and needing help. We don’t always share when we have a rough day, or just need someone to talk to.

Social media is a mask, and we can choose which one to put on.

Always be kind and remember we truly do not know what battles someone may be facing. Also, remember what we usually see from others is only a snapshot of what they want us to see.

I am so happy I am still here. A couple years ago I would have never thought my life would become what it is today. I am also grateful for all those in my life that have shared their own stories with me since I have taken my mask off and have become more open about my struggles with my mental health in the past.”

[If you’re thinking about hurting yourself, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionhotline.org to live chat with someone. Help is out there. You are not alone.]

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Courtesy of Nicole Carr

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Nicole Carr of Wyandotte, Michigan. Follow her journey on Instagram and Facebook.  Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.

Read more from Nicole:

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