“I feel guilty I have not been able to give my husband a baby yet.
Not once has he ever blamed me for this, and not once has he ever made me feel responsible for our circumstances…but yet, I still feel so guilty.
I know none of what has happened to us has been my fault, and I know everything we have endured has been completely out of my hands, but just knowing it does not bring me the comfort of not being able to blame myself for this.
There is always a part of me that sees myself as the one to point the finger at for us still being childless.
Because my body is the one that is broken, not his.
I look at my husband, and I just know he is going to be the best dad ever, and this is why this is so hard to cope with.
Having to sit day after day and watch him not be able to be the dad I know he was destined to be is overwhelmingly painful.
He continually puts on such a brave face despite everything working against us, but I know deep down this is breaking him.
I know how much his heart is aching for the day someone else is calling him daddy, and even though he would never admit it, I know this is hurting him just as much as it is me.
I feel the need to take every ounce of anger and sadness he has and places it on my shoulders because I see myself as being the one who is completely responsible for everything we have been through and everything that lies ahead of us.
So until the day comes that our arms no longer remain empty, I can’t help but feel guilty I have not been able to give him the one thing in this world that he wants more than anything else—a baby.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Mackenzie Eckinger of Ohio and originally appeared here. You can follow her journey on Instagram here and here. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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