“The story started on March 8th, 2012. I was in my second year of university. Some friends were holding my denim jacket and white shirt covered in blood. I got into a fight, just like usual. My university thought I was a bad person, one of the people to avoid. A troubled kid. Maybe I was.
I got a window seat on the bus, and I saw this girl standing outside. She was wearing traditional Rajasthani. I can still remember it so clearly. When I saw her, everything changed. My way to live, my thinking, everything. After a month or so I managed to talk to her and ask her out. She said no, but I was sure it was going to happen.
A few days after she said no, she told me yes but just so my image wouldn’t drop. I was popular in college, and she was a few years older than me. She used to do a lot of mediation, focusing on nature and language. She brought me to God. She was a good, pure person. My mother was happy we were together because she saw how much I had changed. She said, ‘You are a better person with her.’
A year passed. We were away from each other for a few months, but I just thought it made our love deeper. Stronger. When we met up after those months ended, we were so happy to see each other. For once, there were no boundaries. It was our first night together, in our flat. We didn’t tell our parents we were going to live together. I kissed her and she pulled away. She said she didn’t want a physical relationship. I didn’t understand. How do you go out with someone for so long and not be in a physical relationship, especially when you can?
More time passed. She graduated university two years ago, and I’m still there. She called and said her father doesn’t like me. ‘I’m trying to convince him,’ I said. Maybe God was planning for something else to happen. We didn’t get along at all. If I were the same person I used to be, he couldn’t stand between me and her. But I’m middle class, with a widowed mother and a mechanical engineering diploma. I’ve tried so many things to impress him and earn his approval. I don’t think he’s even seen it. With his head or his heart.
One of my friends said to me, ‘Don’t fly too high. Don’t have dreams of being with her.’ During this time, we couldn’t stay in contact. We talked less and less because her father wouldn’t allow it. He tried to get me involved with a bunch of different things, things which could ruin my life. He never got what he wanted, though. I was afraid and always on guard. More time passed.
She and I had stopped talking completely as her father dug deeper. He played his final card one night. My friends and I were out and all of a sudden a group of men were on top of us. They tried to beat us to death, but somehow we got out.
On Christmas, her father bribed the police to register a case against me. He tried to bring me to court, but they refused it. He then tried to bring me to the higher court system, but somehow it also fell through. Maybe God intervened. I don’t know. All of this took three years, constantly going back and forth. I still look over my shoulder sometimes.
Out of all that’s happened, the most painful is not being able to speak with her. I tried to call her, and my number was blocked. The moment I got her new number, it was blocked. She doesn’t try to contact me anymore. She has a new boyfriend who called me and said to never try to talk to her again. ‘She’s mine now,’ he said. They’re getting married soon. I try not to think about it.
People around me think I did something wrong, I left her because she wasn’t beautiful or something. It’s not true, though. I still believe in the future, and in God.”
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